Food for Thought

Grilled Chicken by markuso; freedigitalphotos.net

Along with most of America, my husband fell in love with Cross Fit. He found a gym he liked and soon enough he was trying a Paleo Challenge.

I didn't get it. Mind you, I do understand eating weird things and abstaining from eating weird things.

Dear Husband: "So I'm going on the Paleo Challenge. It's kind of a contest."

Me: "What's Paleo again?"

DH: "It's supposed to be based on what your ancestors were able to hunt and gather and eat...so you only eat what they did, mostly meat, veggies, some fruit."

Me: "Some fruit?"

DH: "Yeah, and no legumes--no peanuts, no beans at all..."

Me: "Wait a minute. Beans are good for you!"

DH: "Yeah..."

Me: "And also...wouldn't what your ancestors ate depend on their environment? I mean, if beans grew in a certain geographic area, then it would have been part of what was gathered and eaten, so....?"

DH: "Some of it I don't really see the sense in, but I'm going to try it for the month and just see."

So, turns out that Paleo was awesome for my husband, but mostly because a) he's a diabetic and b) Paleo eating forced him to cut out processed bread and sugar. I hope I don't have to spell out why that's good for a diabetic...

The basis behind it just doesn't make much sense to me and reminds me of the scarily stupid Atkins Diet (which, as my husband will tell you, forces your body into ketoacidosis, something a diabetic strives to avoid). 

Huff Post had a great article about this topic a million years ago:

"Although in theory this may seem like a sensible diet, particularly when removing sugar and salt, it has eliminated several food groups like dairy and grains, which provide essential nutrients, such as calcium, vitamin D, magnesium and phosphorus in dairy and B vitamins, fiber and antioxidants in grains," says Joy Dubost, a registered dietitian and a spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. "Legumes also provide a great protein source with little fat and lower in calories while providing essential nutrients and fiber."

And on NPR they've found that ancient hunters and gatherers actually had horrible dental health. And: "There's not one kind of paleo diet," Humphrey says. "I think wherever people lived, they had to make best of the wild food resources available to them."

Chris Kesser has a whole article devoted to how beans can fit into a paleo diet.

Sigh. Anyway. As with anything, there's some good and some bad. Further, I've talked to different Paleo folks and they all 'do' Paleo a little differently. For the DH and I, we think that only good can come from cutting out most processed, refined foods (easier said than done), but I'm not sure if that's Paleo or just common sense.

Cartoon Caveman and Wife by Grant Cochrane; freedigitalphotos.net

Pokey Needles & Me

Silver Needle Acupuncture In Medicine Cup by Praisaeng

I've been getting acupuncture again because...why not? I've had it done only once before--with Cool Acupuncture Guy. One appointment equaled half of my monthly grocery budget, so...only the one time. (That and he got a little miffed with me when I moved and then ruined all his handiwork.)

After our last miscarriage, I thought, "Yes, acupuncture, why the hell not?!" My husband has a co-worker (so, you know, a medical-kind of person) who is a strong believer in acupuncture.

Turns out that if I go to an acupuncturist that my insurance approves of each appointment is only about $6!

The acupuncturist I found is lovely--she's my age, has a kid my kid's age, and is a delight. What struck me, the first time around, is that acupuncture is really incredibly long and boring. This time, I have absolutely no problem laying on my back with only a heat lamp and Enya music for company. Something about having four miscarriages really makes it easy to allow myself to rest.

The only surprise is ear acupuncture--that's a new one for me. I remember reading in a Chinese medicine book that our bodily systems are reflected/repeated all over--the bottoms of our feet, our palms, and apparently our ears. Still, having tiny needles jammed into my ear cartilage was a surprise the first time.

It's been lovely. I look forward to seeing Cute Acupuncture Lady every week and found out she was trained by Cool Acupuncture Guy. I win!

Concussion. Concussion?! Shmonshmussion!

So, as my Facebook friends are aware, I was rear-ended last week.

It wasn't so bad.

I was coming home at about 9:20 at night, after working in a library, and I slowed down suddenly for two deer that were directly in my lane. I thought to myself, "Oh, everyone behind me will see the deer and immediately understand my reason for slowing down and they will all slow down accordingly." Alas.

My accident report went something like this, "I saw deer. I slowed down. I was immediately rear-ended by the car behind me." It was so short I felt like I was going to fail some imagined test. "We're sorry, ma'am, your report doesn't satisfy the minimum word count."

Turns out the guy who rear-ended me was very nice, but immediately following the accident he got out of his car and asked, "Why'd you slow down?!" My reply wasn't as courteous as it could have been. Then, the woman behind him got out and demanded that we move, so that everyone could get on home. Gee, thanks for the concern, fellow human-being. Unfortunately for her, the car that had rear-ended me looked something like this*:

http://www.dailybulldog.com/db/features/two-people-transported-to-hospital-following-crash/

Yes, both wheels were on the ground. Yes, the windshield was intact. But most of the engine wasn't. It was leaking phenomenal amounts of radiator fluid and antifreeze.

Anyway. My husband thinks I have (had?) a concussion.

It would explain why, when the 911 operator asked where I was, I couldn't tell her. When I was asked my home phone number, I couldn't remember it. I remembered my cell and two old phone numbers before the relevant digits even entered my brain. When I worked in another library the very next day, I couldn't find the printer. The good news is that after some good sleeps and rest, I feel much more like myself again, you know, remembering where I am and everything.

I'm a little wary of driving right now, but I like to look at my Grandma-inspired-driving tendencies (going under the speed limit and avoiding driving after dark) as survival strategies rather than PTSD. :)

*It totally did cross my mind to take a pic of the car, the real-life car. Then I realized how callous and weird that was and totally didn't. 

This Is Real Life

Sometimes I feel like the universe speaks to us. Though, I personally would say that God is speaking to us.

Last week, I discovered a co-worker had had three miscarriages. This time I didn't even ask, it just came up in conversation. This time the information was offered up freely: "I had a miscarriage before my daughter and then two after my second daughter. And then eleven years later I had two more babies!"

And the very next day, I met a woman who had had FIVE miscarriages and then went on to have four children. What follows is a paraphrased (of course!) conversation.

Darlene*: "I'm a mom of four kids and I know how to parent!"

Me: "Four kids?! That's great."

"Yeah, after I had five miscarriages!"

"Really? I've had four, so it's really nice to talk to you. It's hopeful."

"Well, I can tell you, I had to have a D&C for all five and my OB wasn't helpful. I remember after my last miscarriage, he sat on my hospital bed and said, 'Darlene, you might think of giving up on making babies because you're not very good at it.' I was so angry it made me cry! I found another OB and when I had my daughter I called up my old OB's office and told him!"

"Did you do anything differently?!"

"Nope, something must have just clicked." 

Ladder Leading Up To The Sky by Sira Anamwong

Darlene said that she once went to a dinner with an LDS friend. There, she met a pregnant woman who had had TEN miscarriages. ! I can't even imagine.

I've said it before, but it's so nice not to be alone. I don't know if these women realize the gift they gave me, sharing their past and their (once upon a time) pain. I'm not sure if all the friends who have texted me or Facebook-messaged me to share their own miscarriages realize how much I appreciate it. 

Not a one of us is really in control of these things. But all of us can still afford to comfort each other. All of us can find room to be thankful and maybe even...hopeful.

*Names have been changed!

FrankenWheat

My husband has been reading Wheat Belly by William Davis. Basically, this book is about how horrible wheat is for us.

I know it just seems super trendy, but whatwith me not eating wheat (to recap--I have an auto anitbody to smooth muscle. Either this indicates autoimmune hepatitis, Celiac disease, or nothing at all) my husband was curious.

The highlights so far that Mr. Davis points out are that wheat has been altered genetically SO MUCH in the last century that it's no longer what it used to be. Eating bread can actually spike blood sugar more than sugar. Since Mr. Q is a Type 1 Diabetic, this is pertinent information. More than pertinent--life-changing.

Mr. Q has also noticed that when he eats no bread (but not necessarily no carbs) his blood sugar spikes less and is much more manageable. To me, this real-life evidence is worth more than the hype of being wheat-free.

An interesting read and definitely food for thought!

Frida Kahlo & Me

A long time ago when I was an art major (before I became an education major and eventually an English major!), one of my art professors introduced me to Frida Kahlo. At first, her art unnerved me but it was also fascinating. Now, as someone who has had a fair amount of miscarriages, I have a whole new perspective on her art. Some of you might know that Frida, as a result of an accident, wasn't ever able to have children. Of course, Frida also had many, many surgeries on her back as a result of that same accident. I suppose I can count myself grateful that I don't have that to deal with as well.

Henry Ford Hospital, 1932

In a series of letters she wrote to her physician, she writes: "Doctorcito querido: I have wanted to write to you for a long time than you can imagine. I had so looked forward to having a little Dieguito that I cried a lot, but it's over, there is nothing else that can be done except to bear it."

That's about the sum of it.

The Wounded Deer, 1946

The Broken Column, 1944

“I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration.” 

Oily Bohunk*

I keep reading about this oil pulling business. Here at Diana Stone's blog and here at a blog I've never read before.

Everything I read from bloggers (and at least one person on Facebook) says it will whiten your teeth, help with bad breath, and generally help the health of your teeth. Some people seem to think it can cure disease processes.

Because I'm a Human Guinea Pig, I decided to try it. It's not so bad, but when coconut oil first hits your mouth, it's still solid. That's a strange texture to get used to-half-liquid and half-solid.

Coconut Oil

Snopes basically says it's dumb.

People who are into Ayurvedic medicine (an ancient Indian 'culture of healing') explain that "oil gargling" can purify the entire system. They believe that each "section of the tongue is connected to different organ such as to the kidneys, lungs, liver, heart, small intestines, stomach, colon, and spine..." which is why oil-pulling would be curative.

Dr. Weil takes a more moderate stance: "...I have been able to find only one scientific study on oil pulling. The study was designed to evaluate the effect of oil pulling on bacteria (Streptococcus mutans) in plaque and saliva of children, and to compare its antiseptic power with that of using a conventional mouthwash containing chlorhexidine. The researchers found a reduction in the bacteria count in the plaque and saliva samples in both the study and the control groups and concluded that oil pulling can help maintain oral health. The study was published in an Indian dental journal.

Bottom line: Oil pulling won't hurt you, but I wouldn't depend on it to help you improve your overall health or treat significant medical problems."

So, until I hear that it's bad for us, I'll give it a try! Results pending. 

*A 16 Candles reference. You should probably have already seen this fantastic 80s movie. 

How You Doin'?: Standing Dates with Medical Professionals

Today, I was reminded that I have an autoimmune disease (if not more than one, sneaky little buggers) because Harold Ramis from 'Ghostbusters' died from autoimmune inflammatory vasculitis. :( This grieves me.

Onto an update.

Last Appointment with the Curly Haired Doc:

I went in after our last miscarriage to a) get a hysterosalpingogram and b) talk about my options going forward. The Flamingagram (as my good friend calls it) didn't show a damn thing. My uterus is, the doctors exclaimed during the appointment, "beautiful" and "perfect"! Even though that fluffs my ego a little bit, it doesn't do a whole lot for me. "Yes! I have the most beautiful, perfect uterus! Everyone with an ugly uterus can suck it. Now if only it would hold a baby..."

As far as other options, there's not much to offer. Curly Haired Doc was so sweet:

"Well. The thing with recurrent miscarriage is that there's often not a quantifiable reason, no reason we can find. You can still do the genetic testing and we can look at your Day 3 blood tests, but...? Otherwise the best we can do, I think, is maybe try low-dose aspirin and progesterone. What it comes down to is you and how many more times you want to try."

"Okay."

She looked at me helplessly, empathetically. "I mean...," she shrugged, "we could try Clomid or..."

"But aren't those for people who have trouble getting pregnant?"

"I know. You really don't need those drugs." 

She looked so sad that she couldn't help me. It was endearing. I don't think she would have given me unnecessary pharmaceuticals, she just wanted something, anything, to offer me.

After this appointment, I had this brilliant idea to find a doctor closer to home. Everything I'd been reading implied that neither aspirin nor progesterone were miracle 'cures' for miscarriage, so maybe no interventions was a viable option. I thought, "Oh! It'll be so easy to find a semi-crunchy lady doc who has a good sense of humor and is comfortable NOT giving me drugs!"

I have learned nothing. Though still blessed with an idealistic and optimistic soul, I was bound to suffer disappointment.

New Appointment with a Newbie (To Me) Doc:

I *thought* I'd found a doctor that might be a good fit for me. How did I make this decision, you ask?  A combination of Internet research and racial profiling. We used to have an excellent doctor who was from India--very holistic and kind. I chose a practice with another Indian doctor assuming (yep, I know what they say) that she might share the same ideologies and practices.

The whole thing started off on the wrong foot. I ended up in the waiting room, with a three-year-old, for 45 minutes. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: "Hey, I might have to reschedule. I need to be somewhere and it's already been 45 minutes. So..." 

Secretary: "Okay, let me just check here. She has this day open and this day. She should be done soon though if you want to wait? Do you have to be somewhere?*"

"Um...yeah, well, it just might work better another time?"

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, let's reschedule."

At this point, the doctor has emerged from her office with her previous patient. She's listening in. She doesn't want to lose me! So she interjects: "I'm just about done here and then I can see you..." She paused. "You know you were supposed to set aside an hour to an hour-and-a-half for this appointment."

Now I'm on the defensive. "Yes, but an hour-and-a-half that starts at 10 is different than the one that starts at 11. So." I feel like I made a good point, yes?

Shouting Medical Professional by imagerymajestic; freedigitalphotos.net

They convinced me to go to my appointment, but it was already a loss. The office didn't have my records (though my previous office swore they'd already been sent), my daughter was at her wit's end**, and this doc and I were not on the same page. She was nice enough, but when I mentioned that my thyroid had been mistreated, she looked disbelieving. When I told her I was willing to deliver a breech baby, she said that doctors just didn't do that anymore (and implied that they shouldn't).

The last straw was when she kept pushing for a physical exam of some sort. I felt pestered and finally conceded. After all, what's one more person looking up in my hoo-ha?! Anyway. this was no ordinary pelvic exam. It ended with this.

White Medical Glove by John Kasawa; freedigitalphotos.net

!!!

No, just no! I've been told it's normal, sometimes, to include this step in a physical examination, but I'm not a fan. Had I been forewarned, I would have left earlier.

Guess I'll be sticking with my Curly Haired Doc, hour-long drive and all. :) 

*Where I had to be was friggin' story time. I kept promising my daughter we would make it and this would be the second day in a row that we didn't. I have a feeling that telling the secretary I wanted to make it to story time would fail to elicit any understanding.

**To be fair, the nurse obligingly babysat my daughter. That was awesome.

All the Rabbits Died!

Recently I picked up the book Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth About Miscarriage by Jon Cohen. Sometimes I haunt the Baby Center discussion boards for other moms to connect with and this book was recommended more than once. It's a good book--it's realistic, comprehensive, and very well-written. Plus, I like this Cohen Guy.* ;)

 Cohen is no stranger to miscarriage: "With each successive miscarriage, Shannon and I became increasingly frustrated with the mumbo jumbo we kept hearing from the specialists about what had happened, what we should do, and how we should view our prospects for having more children. Not only did different doctors give us wildly different explanations, but when I pressed for scientific studies that we could consult no one had anything to offer, and some had the audacity to shift into all-wise-M.D. mode, counseling us to accept the losses and try again. We wanted facts, and one day it dawned on me that I make my living ferreting out scientific facts." And so he wrote a book.

A tangential tidbit I learned from Cohen's research: early pregnancy tests involved injecting a woman's urine into lady rabbits; if the rabbit developed a mass in its ovaries, then the woman was pregnant. All the rabbits died.

!

Anyway.

Cohen sifts through the many possibilities for causes of miscarriage, plus the various treatments tried for each. These various 'causes' include old eggs, chromosomal abnormalities (in which early miscarriage is actually a good, normal thing), auto-immune diseases, hormonal imbalances, a few nasty environmental toxins (mercury, BPA, and nitrates), uterine abnormalities, and stress. Peppered throughout the book are personal stories of sadness and triumph.

A few hopeful sound bytes:

"Already, many clinicians recognize that, in healthy mothers, miscarriage is as common as birth...miscarriage...often represents a sign of hope."

"...in study after study, women who have had up to four miscarriages and become pregnant again typically carry to term."

"Deciding to do nothing, in an informed way, often constitutes the most prudent way to do something. Women and men who want babies, especially those who have tried and failed, would benefit if they recognized how their intense desires can lead them to take unnecessary risks....Most women who miscarry, even three or four times, will carry to term if they become pregnant again."

Particularly thought-provoking (for me) is the overall conclusion that most environmental toxins probably aren't to blame for recurrent miscarriage: "Can you use miscarriage as an index of environmental exposure?...It's very, very tough to figure out whether environmental effects are real" and "Miscarriages...rarely occur because of what a woman eats or drinks, where she lives and works, or what air she breathes. More than half of all miscarriages have abnormal chromosomes, mainly because the mother's eggs do not properly execute meiosis."

Cohen gives a good reminder to us all not to put too much stock in current reproductive trends or miracle infertility treatments: "Science is provisional. What appears real today may, based on new evidence, seem naive tomorrow."


*One of my favorite artists, Frida Kahlo, was mentioned in Coming To Term. Cohen kept one of Kahlo's most famous paintings, documenting one of her miscarriages, in his desk while he worked on this book. You can see why:

Henry Ford Hospital, 1932

Parasites, the Next Big Thing!

I read the above book (An Epidemic of Absence: A New Way of Understanding Allergies and Autoimmune Diseases* by Moises Velasquez-Manoff) in an attempt to newly understand autoimmune diseases. Let me sum up this book. The idea is that we have become way too clean (the Hygiene Hypothesis): "In the wake of immunologically new humankind, I add one recommendation...take care of the butterflies! Their disappearance indicates loss of life...shrinkage of biodiversity also takes place in the micro-world close to us, but without notice. Preserving biodiverse life might have a preventative effect on allergy and other diseases of modern civilzation." --Finnish allergist Tar Haahtela in Allergy, 2009.


Our immune systems develop better and develop the way they should when they are confronted with certain microbes, viruses, bacterium, etc. from infancy, maybe even from gestation: "The relative smallness of the late-twentieth-century family, and the unprecedented cleanliness of modernity in general, had decreased the infectious burden during childhood...the absence of robust immune challenge early in life was...making people allergic." The book is awesome in that the author presents lots of anecdotal evidence as well as scientific evidence to draw his conclusions. Some snippets:

"A single variable...most correlated with an individual's odds of having hay fever or eczema at age twenty-three: how many older children were in the house at age eleven. The greater the number of older children around in childhood, the lower an individual's risk of allergic disease in young adulthood."


"Attending daycare in the first six months of life lessened one's chances of wheezing later by three-fifths...crowded, presumably contagion-enhancing environments early in life definitively warded off asthma."

"Immune-mediated disorders arise in direct proportion to affluence and Westernization. The more that one's surroundings resemble the environment in which we evolved--rife with infections and lots of what one scientist calls "animal, faeces, and mud"--the lower the prevalence of these diseases."

In 1819, hay fever was first documented. No one knew what it was. Allergies weren't common: "The U.K. and the U.S., the two nations that first noted the curious affliction, were also among the first nations to urbanize and industrialize. They were the first to experience the disaster of the modern city, and among the first to institute major sanitary reforms. They had the first populations...with both the desire and means to clean up. Scandinavia, Italy, Spain, Russia, and to a lesser degree France...remained largely agrarian countries with a mostly rural populace until later. Something without biological precedent had occurred in these populations: the removal, perhaps for the first time in human evolution, of certain microbes and parasites from the human organism."


Another idea this author presents? That an intentional parasitic infection could kind of...distract? an autoimmune-prone immune system from attacking itself. So Moises, in the very first Chapter, infects himself with a worm from Tijuana. There is so much more to tell, but I don't want to risk losing you! There's a whole chapter on how a pregnant woman's environment can actually predispose her child to allergies and autoimmune disease or protect from them. Read it and see.

Shortly after An Epidemic of Absence, I read Parasite by Mira Grant.

I loved this book--couldn't stop reading it and, in fact, picked up her other books. The premise is that once mankind realized we needed more bugs in our lives, a corporation manipulated intestinal parasites to live in us for extended periods of time and heal us from all ills. Unfortunately, these parasites learn how to migrate to our brains and--you guess it--take control of their human hosts. Some parasites are fully successful in taking over a human body. Others are only partially successful and partially sentient. Those who are stuck mid-transition are very zombie-like. :) (They probably also thirst for blood. We'll see in Book 2.) The main character is actually a parasite who has taken over the body of a brain-dead woman--all in the name of survival!

This book is what Stephenie Meyer's The Host should have been. Except the parasites in Parasite aren't aliens. But I digress...

The finally book in this thrilling trio of parasite books? The Troop by Nick Cutter.

Let's recap. Book 1: Parasites are good for you! Book 2: Parasites are kind of good and kind of bad. Book 3 (The Troop): Parasites are disgusting creatures that will consume you so someone can make a horror movie based on your short life.

The Troop is, as Stephen King puts it, 'old-school horror'. A giant parasite, easily spread, takes up residence in your gut and fills you with an unquenchable hunger. Basically, you will eat anything (a chair, for example) and eat and eat and eat and all the while your body is dying and the parasite is feeding off of you. It's gross. The End.

2014--the year of the parasite, people. It's gonna be big.

*The New York Times reviewed An Epidemic of Absence as well!

Book Review! The Autoimmune Epidemic: Bodies Gone Haywire...

So since my last miscarriage (brief moment of sadness allowed), I have checked out several books from the library concerning autoimmune disorders, purchased one that no library owned (to fulfill my need to sometimes highlight things), and done a fair bit of Internet research. I've also revisited two out of the 18 doctors on my Doctor Rundown List.

One of the books is The Autoimmune Epidemic: Bodies Gone Haywire in a World Out of Balance--and the Cutting-Edge Science That Promises Hope by Donna Jackson Nakazawa.

The gist of this book is that our autoimmune problems can basically be traced to the recent preponderance of chemicals, irritants, and pollutants we're exposed to on a daily basis. Early on, Nakazawa presents a snapshot of a middle-class mom cooking and running errands. Along the way, she uses a Teflon-covered pan, food from bottles and cans laced with BPA, sleeps on a mattress doused with flame retardant, walks on carpet lightly covered with stain-resisting-chemicals...you get the idea: "...over the past five years, they have begun studying pollution in people, and the findings are causing many researchers to reevaluate their assumptions about how successfully our bodies interface with the chemical-laden world in which we live..."

Some highlights:

In a 2003 study from the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in NYC: "each volunteer carried an average of 91 industrial compounds, pollutants, and other chemicals."

In a 2004 CDC study which tested blood and urine: "Researchers working through two major laboratories found an alarming cocktail of 287 industrial chemicals and pollutants in the fetal cord blood of ten newborn infants from around the country, in samples taken by the American Red Cross. These chemicals included pesticides, phthalates, dioxins, flame retardants, and break-down chemicals of Teflon, among other chemicals known to damage the immune system. Shortly after, investigators in the Netherlands turned up similar findings: they discovered an array of chemicals commonly found in household cleaners, cosmetics, and furniture in the cord blood of thirty newborns."

And as far as my thyroid goes: "Researchers now understand that a wide array of  environmental chemicals can act as endocrine disruptors, affecting us at much lower doses than scientists previously thought possible." Oops. This is why I despise it when people say that something is in 'too small' a dose to cause harm. I don't think we're f***ing sure what dose will or won't cause harm.

A Dr. Gerard Mullin is quoted as saying: "'Drugs alone no longer suffice as quality care...we know so much about the potential for special diets and supplementation to help modulate autoimmune disease and we have to help patients reap those benefits." Emphasis mine because I love these words.

And of course, in addition to chemicals and crap from the inanimate objects around us, what about what we're actually ingesting? Nakazawa mentions that too: "We've gone from a whole-foods diet--one in which we digested whole grains, fruits, vegetables, poultry, and livestock produced locally or on our own land--to a processed-food diet. This processed-food diet often consists of highly preserved bread products, doughnuts, prepackaged coffee cakes, and cereals laden with sugar for breakfast...what fresh foods we do consume...are sprayed liberally with pesticides and fungicides."

I wrote down some of the specific plastics and chemicals mentioned, but quickly became overwhelmed by acronyms: PFOA, PBDE,PCBs?

Admittedly, I need to reread* this book because I missed the 'promises' of hope part promised in the title. What I came away with is a) slight depression, b) the desire to grow my own food and build my own chemical-free house, and c) the understanding that (in many cases) we're screwing ourselves with our own technological advances. I don't know how to avoid these chemicals. They're on the couch I'm sitting on, covering my mattress, and have infiltrated my food either through packaging (plastic) or pesticides. Happily, I did find some PFOA-free pans at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. Maybe the tide is turning!

While this book is a good read from a causal standpoint, I'm beginning to think I wasn't mentally prepared for the overwhelming reality of the situation...

*Footnote: I will update when I've reread and can elaborate on the hope part!

More Evidence That Auto-Immune Diseases Suck

One of the scariest things that I have been pondering lately is that my lovely envoy of doctors won't be able to find anything wrong, won't be able to pinpoint a cause for miscarriage. Remember how my Curly Haired Lady Doctor admitted that it is a possibility that my auto-immune problems* could be a cause, but that there was a) no way to tell if that was the case and b) no way to treat it? It's true. The bad news is that if you have thyroid antibodies, you're more likely to miscarry.

Stethoscope on Book by Gualberto107; freedigitalphotos.net

I recently found a site called Hypothyroid Mom! Posted there they have a series of articles. The one that sticks out to me is a post by another hypothyroid Mom (well, duh, I guess) who blames hypothyroidism for her miscarriage--Have You Suffered A Miscarriage? Your Thyroid Could Be To Blame. In the author's story, her doctors reassured her that there were no links between hypothyroidism and miscarriage (wrong!) and didn't adequately check and treat her hypothyroidism.

More evidence that hypothyroidism and thyroid antibodies could be to blame:

"The results showed that compared to normal pregnancy or spontaneous abortion, recurrent miscarriage was associated with a significant increase in the number of CD5+/20+ positive cells ...These women were also found to have a higher incidence of thyroid antibodies, with four out of the 11 patients being positive for thyroid microsomal antibodies. These results suggest that there may be an association between autoimmunity and recurrent miscarriage."

Another study found a "clear association between the presence of thyroid antibodies and miscarriage was found...This association may be explained by a heightened autoimmune state affecting the fetal allograft, of which thyroid antibodies are just a marker."

And here: "In the case of infertility, although the clinical relevance of TAI [thyroid auto-immunity] is somewhat controversial, when all available information is considered the results strongly suggest that when infertility is due to well-defined female causes, autoimmunity is involved and TAI constitutes a useful marker of the underlying immune abnormality, independently of thyroid function disorders. In the case of pregnancy loss, the vast majority of available studies clearly establish that TAI (even with no overt thyroid dysfunction) is associated with a significant increase in miscarriage risk."

Oh, joy! This study found that: "Thyroid dysfunction has been related to obstetrical complications such as premature delivery, gestational hypertension, preeclampsia, and placental abruption."

Although maternal thyroid antibodies have been associated with pregnancy loss, universal screening and possible treatment with exogenous T4 cannot be recommended because evidence is insufficient that such treatment lowers miscarriage rates. - See more at: http://www.jwatch.org/wh201208300000001/2012/08/30/management-thyroid-disease-during-and-after#sthash.LElk1di1.dpuf

Although maternal thyroid antibodies have been associated with pregnancy loss, universal screening and possible treatment with exogenous T4 cannot be recommended because evidence is insufficient that such treatment lowers miscarriage rates. - See more at: http://www.jwatch.org/wh201208300000001/2012/08/30/management-thyroid-disease-during-and-after#sthash.LElk1di1.dpuf

Although maternal thyroid antibodies have been associated with pregnancy loss, universal screening and possible treatment with exogenous T4 cannot be recommended because evidence is insufficient that such treatment lowers miscarriage rates. - See more at: http://www.jwatch.org/wh201208300000001/2012/08/30/management-thyroid-disease-during-and-after#sthash.LElk1di1.dpuf

Although maternal thyroid antibodies have been associated with pregnancy loss, universal screening and possible treatment with exogenous T4 cannot be recommended because evidence is insufficient that such treatment lowers miscarriage rates. - See more at: http://www.jwatch.org/wh201208300000001/2012/08/30/management-thyroid-disease-during-and-after#sthash.LElk1di1.dpuf

Although maternal thyroid antibodies have been associated with pregnancy loss, universal screening and possible treatment with exogenous T4 cannot be recommended because evidence is insufficient that such treatment lowers miscarriage rates. - See more at: http://www.jwatch.org/wh201208300000001/2012/08/30/management-thyroid-disease-during-and-after#sthash.LElk1di1.dpuf

More on placental abruption: "Antithyroid peroxidase antibodies are...associated with a threefold increase in the rate of placental abruption. However, this increase in placental abruption does not currently warrant routine antithyroid antibody screening during pregnancy."

The good news is that there is some evidence that treating a woman who is positive for thyroid antibodies with artificial thyroid hormones can decrease the risk of miscarriage:

"The study clearly showed the benefits of levothyroxine administration in pregnant women with AITD [auto-immune thyroid disease] not only to correct maternal thyroid function but also to reduce markedly the rate of undesired obstetrical events and lower their prevalence down to that found in healthy controls. There is no reason to believe that levothyroxine administration played a role in altering underlying autoimmunity."

But apparently not enough evidence:

Like here: "Although maternal thyroid antibodies have been associated with pregnancy loss, universal screening and possible treatment with exogenous T4 cannot be recommended because evidence is insufficient that such treatment lowers miscarriage rates."

So, as I stare down another month of various tests, part of me hopes that there is something else 'wrong' besides my auto-immunity. Something more 'fixable', more 'understood' by the medical community. Whatever the case, it's out of my control and, well, "He's got the whole world in his hands...", so I might as well relax. Or at least try. :)

*I've helpfully (sarcasm intended) hyper-linked lots of terms in this post because I've been writing for so long about various issues, I think some people who are currently reading might not know what I've been through or even what an auto-immune disease is. The Internet to the rescue!

Miscarriage Recovery!

Check out my latest post over at Rocky Parenting!

The Encouragement of My Peers; Part 3

So, the incredibly uplifting side of having miscarriages is that it's time like these I am reminded of how loved I am. Let me show you pictorial proof: 

Flowers From Dad Q

I haven't taken pictures of all the edible love I've received. Dad Q bought me the best box of chocolates ever, a Toblerone, Andes mints, IntaJuice, and gluten-free take-out pizza. I have been showered in indulgence. One of my bestest friends mailed these beauties:

Godiva Truffles!

My kids were around right after the ultrasound in which I found out I'd be having another miscarriage. It was particularly sad because, though it's possible to hold things together emotionally for me initially, it is impossible to hold it together when someone I trust is around. As soon as I saw Dad Q I burst into tears.

Girl Q: "Why are you crying? Are you sad?!"

Me: "Yes! Kind of, yes!"

Girl Q: "Oh. Don't worry. We'll go home and I'll make you happy."

Me: "Okay!"

Girl Q: "I can make you a painting to make you happy."

Me: "I would love that!"

And later:

Boy Q: "Did the Doctor hurt you?"

Me: "No..."

Boy Q: "So, did you get a shot?"

Me: "No, no, nothing like that."

Boy Q: "So the doctor did hurt you."

Me: "No, Boy Q, I found out that there was a baby in me but it's heart stopped beating."

Boy Q: "Oh. So it's dead, huh?"

Me: "Yeah..."

Boy Q: "And that makes your tummy hurt?"

Me: "It makes my heart hurt."

Precious Q Kids. These are my Happy Paintings from Girl Q: 

Happy Paintings by Miniature Bob Ross

Every time she would bring me one, I'm not going to lie, it did make me happy. Most of them are flowers, but there's a sparkly greenish one near the middle that is a Christmas Tree.

There are many things I don't have pictures of. I don't have pictures of how often my parents checked in on me. I don't have a picture of how my in-laws drove a total of four hours just so Dad Q and I could go to the doctor together. I don't have a picture of the cousin who willingly watched our kids so we could figure stuff out and who (I'm still bowled over by this...) offered to drive here, take our children away, and then bring them back when it was appropriate! So many people have reached out and comforted us.

Today I worked at our small-town library and I had the pleasure of working with a woman who--wait for it!--has had three miscarriages, Lupus, several auto-immune conditions, and has lost a baby. I may have hugged her one too many times. It was a God Thing--a beautifully timed, much-needed, God Thing. 

For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.  

Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
    because of the greatness of his unfailing love.

For he does not enjoy hurting people
    or causing them sorrow.

Lamentations 3:31-33

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us."

2 Corinthians 1:4-7

My perfect box of chocolates:

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Russell-Stover-Assorted-Creams-Fine-Chocolates-12-Oz/10533851

What The Doctor Doesn't Know; Part 2 (or Percocet Makes Me Dizzy!)

I'm not going to bore you with options for miscarrying. In the past, I have done it at home. This time around I recognized that a) my husband would be leaving town soon and b) I couldn't safely do it at home, with two kids, on Percocet, alone. So I opted to have an iPass. This is also known as a D&C, which is, crudely,  just sucking the tissue out. It takes ten minutes and then you recuperate for another couple weeks.

"Embryonic Development" by Dream Designs; freedigitalphotos.net

Humorously, as I was laying uncomfortably on the table, the Doc and her assistant realized they didn't have all the materials needed for a D&C. As their office is primarily focused on getting women pregnant, I'm not sure they do D&Cs all that often. They could get the right materials but it would take an hour. This is how I found myself choosing instead to take a horrible miscarriage-inducing pill that must be taken with great amounts of pain killers. This is also how, at this very moment, I am typing a blog spot while on Percocet! That's a first.

"Wooden Spoon with Pills" by nuchylee; freedigitalphotos.net

Some of you might be curious, as I am, what the Doctors are saying about what could be causing my miscarriages.

Let me transcribe the questions I have asked (with some embellishment) along with the Doc's answers:

Thyroid Hormone Levels:

Could my TSH levels be going above 2.5 (it's recommended that pregnant women be below 2.5 for baby-making and growing; TSH needs rise in pregnancy and therefore medication has to be increased) and could that rise be contributing to fetal demise? Yes.

Should I be raising my thyroid medication by more when I get pregnant? Maybe. There's no way to tell.

Auto-Immune Problems:

Could my thyroid auto-antibodies and the other auto-antibodies I have be attacking my embryos and killing them? Yes.

Is there any way to tell if this is happening? No.

Is there any way to stop it if my body is attacking? No. Trials have been done giving pregnant women with auto-immune diseases immune-system suppressive drugs and it is more dangerous for mom and baby.

So my body's immune system is SO "GOOD", it's attacking my healthy tissue as well as my little Q Beans?! Could be.

Scar Tissue:

Could there be scar tissue from my C-section interfering with baby-growing? Probably not.

Could there be scar tissue from previous miscarriages interfering with baby-growing? Maybe.

Miscellaneous:

Could I be ovulating too close to my period so that the lining of my uterus isn't thick and lucious enough for a little baby to grow in? Yes.

Could there be a genetic predisposition to chromosome problems with Dad Q and I? Yes. You just have two normal kids because it was luck. Statistically they should be mutants.

To sum up, it could be many things. Some of those things are quantifiable and testable and many are not. The "problem", as my Curly-Haired Doc said, is that with recurrent miscarriage it's just plain hard to tell. This is one of those doctor games where we will rule out things and then look at what's left over.

The Advanced Maternal Medicine office was all set to run some other tests on me--the saline ultrasound (which would reveal any obstructions like polyps, cysts, scar tissue, etc.), some gene karyotyping, etc. but then we got pregnant. My current instructions are these: Miscarry. Don't get pregnant. Do diagnostic tests. Check!

There's one positive thing I can say about Percocet. Despite the nausea, I'm finding myself to be very apathetic. I'm a fan. :)

The TragiComedy of My Life, Part 1

"Uterus" by cbenjasuwan

Last week I found out I'm going to have another miscarriage. This brings the tally up to a chemical pregnancy, a miscarriage at eight weeks, a missed miscarriage, and now another at eight weeks. Exactly one year ago on the same day, I found out the same exact thing. Halloween has become kind of a drag for me.


We weren't even trying to get pregnant this time; it was just fortuitous. I am lucky in that I don't have trouble getting pregnant. I am terrifically unlucky in that, aside from my two healthy children, I can't seem to have another.

Our experience this time around has been tinged with apprehension and anxiety. I found a doctor at the Advanced Maternal Medicine* office whom I like very much. Mostly this is because she has personally had miscarriages but also because she is very pragmatic. She also has jealousy-inducing curly hair.

At our first two appointments, she matter-of-factly gave us the good news that she could see the heartbeat, thumping merrily along. At the third, she matter-of-factly told me she couldn't see one. Later she hugged me and told me I didn't have to tell her it was "okay". She is one of the good docs who will take the time to answer my questions.

For the last year we've been trying to have another baby.

These are the moments I can't forget: 

• Wondering if all the other women in the waiting room feel like I do.

• Getting blood drawn again and again and again...sometimes to confirm I'm pregnant and sometimes to confirm I'm not.

• Standing in the shower, watching blood go down the drain like my own personal horror movie.

• Staring at the ample supply of condoms (for intrauterine ultrasounds) and glowing sanitizing instruments in the ultrasound room.

• Looking at the kids I do have and wondering how I missed what a miracle it is that they're here.

• Explaining to my kids why I'm crying.  

• Making a mental list of people I know who have endured losses and have survived.

•  Realizing that a) there's nothing I can do to change anything and b) there's really not much the doctors can do either. 

• The Piece de Resistance? Dad Q and I went out to eat last night to discuss some tough choices and initially we were seated alone. "Triumph!" I thought. "Privacy!" Alas. A group with a PREGNANT LADY was seated right next to us. God had given me no warning for the test I was about to endure. (See: Pregnant Women Are Smug.) Conversation topics covered, in no particular order: morning sickness, general nausea, food cravings, paternity leave (seriously?), maternity clothes, newborn clothes, and obstetricians. I understand that I'm being selfish but I really wanted to punch her. She's allowed to be overjoyed. I'm allowed to be bitter. :) I was there to prepare for a miscarriage and she was there to share news of her pregnancy. What are the f***ing odds? Thankfully I was able to text a friend who understood my situation and totally understood my inclination towards violence. Somehow having someone support you in sucker punching a pregnant woman totally alleviates the need to do so.

An Otherwise Update:

No Big D, not really. I have been drinking coffee lately (I know I shouldn't, but some good news--see here) and sometimes it actually helps with Big D. I don't get it. I don't care. :)

My thyroid medicine is still on the highest dose to keep my levels in a good place to get pregnant. I might have to re-evaluate--meet up with the Reproductive Endocrinologist and just try to wean off medicine now instead of 'waiting' forever to have another kid.

I need to sleep more.

I have been doing horribly with diet stuff. Mostly because over the last year I feel beat down and hopelessness has crept in. If, when I was sticking to organic fruits and veggies and doing everything right I still have a miscarriage, then what's the point?I know that isn't logical. After all, things like good habits, hygiene, and good nutrition are really their own reward. It was much easier to eat well when I thought I was helping prepare my body to sustain another pregnancy. Now I struggle with finding the point. I'll get there, I just need some time. It's time to feed myself and my family well and live well just for nutrition's sake.

The Good? We love where we live. I'm starting to be a Librarian again. I have an awesome family. We bought a puppy. We have everything we need and more. We are surrounded by people who care for us deeply and that's worth more than words can say. You know who you are. :) Plus my husband buys me chocolate and flowers to console me. It could be worse.

Coming Up: What The Doctor Doesn't Know; Part 2 and The Encouragement of My Peers; Part 3.

*I would love to go back to the Cool Acupuncture Guy, but insurance doesn't cover him. So if every appointment is around $200 and I have to see him more than once a month...well, I'm not good at math but it doesn't bode well for our budget. 

How We Do Harm: A Doctor Breaks Ranks About Being Sick In America

I haven't posted in awhile, but I promise real updates are forthcoming! For now, a review.

I read a book a few months ago and forgot to post a review of it! Dr. Otis Webb Brawley "is the chief medical and scientific officer of The American Cancer Society, an oncologist with a dazzling clinical, research, and policy career."

Here's part of the book description from Amazon: "Brawley tells of doctors who select treatment based on payment they will receive, rather than on demonstrated scientific results; hospitals and pharmaceutical companies that seek out patients to treat even if they are not actually ill (but as long as their insurance will pay); a public primed to swallow the latest pill, no matter the cost; and rising healthcare costs for unnecessary—and often unproven—treatments that we all pay for. Brawley calls for rational healthcare, healthcare drawn from results-based, scientifically justifiable treatments, and not just the peddling of hot new drugs."


It's full of individual patient stories and snapshots that help Dr. Brawley make his points, which makes it easy to read.

Favorite quotes: 

In regards to a woman who was told that, in addition to other treatments, a bone marrow transplant would eradicate her cancer but then found out later it was semi-experimental and did more harm than good:

"The problem is, we don't use our expensive drugs and technologies appropriately. Instead of using these interventions to benefit patients, we use them to maximize revenues, and often harm patients. If we could learn to practice medicine rationally, the money we would save would help us provide the most basic care for those who are now shut out of the system. Health care for the rich would benefit as well, because in medicine gluttony equals harm."

In regards to money as a medical motivator:

"Too often, helping the patient isn't the point. Economic incentives can dictate that the patient be ground up as expensively as possible with the goal of maximizing the cut of every practitioner who gets involved. When we, doctors, are at our best, we set aside our self-interest and put the patient's interest first. When we aren't at our best, the public pays more in fees, insurance premiums, taxes--and poor outcomes."

Without Permission, Life Slogs On...

After the last two years of horrible health crap and moving twice, I like to think things will start to settle down. ;) A fellow blogger offered up a pictorial update and I am following suit.

The Capital-C Calendar--preschool, doc's appointments, substituting at the local library (!), the hubby's schedule, etc.

Nutrition: 

• It's extremely hard to eat well when you're moving and resettling. It's been about five months and I am finally getting my 'kitchen legs' back and making an attempt to ensure we are getting our veggies. Let's not talk about the quality of our nutrition for the last five months....:/

My current produce-laden fridge. I'm optimistic.

•  My parents have come to visit our new home many times; my mom is obsessed with cheese and brought so much cheese last time that I was forced to eat some. I'm not sure if this is good or bad for me. At the very least, it's not been horrible for me. She also brings along some stupendous gluten-free bread made in South Dakota.

Health:

• The newest member of the Quinby family, our puppy, is still fighting ringworm. But our house seems to be fungus-free!

An anti-fungal arsenal. Three kinds of bathing products for puppy, Lysol and bleach for disinfecting, anti-bacterial spray because he keeps causing infections on himself, and, oh yeah, anti-fungal cream/spray.

•  The kids and I have developed some sort of allergy-induced cold. This makes me ANGRY. :)

• I have been running myself ragged. Don't get me wrong, we rest, but it's got to get done. De-fungify the house (and pets, and clothes, and kennel....), feed the children, paint the house, move us in, organize doctor's appointments, get Boy Q into preschool, etc. etc. This is the life of a stay-at-home parent, indeed. Photographic evidence of some time-suckers:

Evidence of our ever-growing To Do List. Seen here are a discarded bathroom vanity, new bathroom lights, a new bathroom vanity, paint for so many things, a bike that will likely take two years to re-hang somewhere, and post-hole diggers and concrete tubes to anchor our shed to the ground. So it doesn't blow away. !

My first experience ripping out and replacing some nasty bathroom drywall. Texturing and painting are next.

Repainting all the kitchen cupboards and adding hardware.

Painting the shed.

 Mental Health: 

• Our new home is beautiful. There are tiny blue birds that flit around outside. Entire days go by when I don't see other people. Hard work ends up being it's own reward.

• Sometimes I feel like I'm living a life other than my own; mostly this is because I thought we'd have a third kiddo by now and, in lieu of this, I am trying to focus on our kids and on getting some paid work coming my way. It feels forced, I guess, like I'm trying to do what I know I should be doing. My heart isn't in it. 

• I don't know what to do about having another baby. I don't know if we should try again. I don't know if we should get rid of our baby stuff yet or wait. I desperately want to get rid of it out of spite but then I think how frustrated I would be (and how much money I would spend to replace it all...) if we do have another baby. 

A mountain of baby and toddler clothes.

She's Gonna Be The Death of Me: A Note About Fevers

Re-posted from my other blog, Boy Q and Girl Q.

I have never worried about someone as much as I have worried about Girl Q.

Let's take a refresher course. There was the time she:

• Almost died in utero,
• Was born with "super scary" (read, not scary at all) sacral dimples, 
• Fell down a flight of 15 stairs THREE times,
• Decided to be allergic to Amoxicillin,
• Had The Fever From Hell (FFH).

This past week Girl Q has had a fever that ranged from 99* (when on Tylenol or Ibuprofen) to 107* (when the drugs wore off). We alternated Ibuprofen and Tylenol about every four or five hours. Some peds recommend this and some don't--it worked for us.

Despite this high number, we were encouraged by the fact that she responded to medication, was eating and drinking normally, and was active when she felt well. She was sleeping quite a bit. When her fever spiked I stripped off her clothes and gave her cool baths.

The "I-Feel-Like-Crap" Face

In case you don't believe me about not freaking out about the 'number' of a fever and running to the ER, see here, here ("...How sick your child seems is more important than how high the fever is running."), and here. This last page from Washington Pediatric Associates in Missouri is my favorite because the side bar has a list of Myths and Facts about fevers:

• "MYTH: All fevers need to be treated with fever medicine.
• FACT: Fevers only need to be treated if they cause discomfort. Usually that’s fevers over 102 or 103 degrees F.

• MYTH: Without treatment, fevers will keep going higher.
• FACT: Wrong. Fevers from infection top out at 105 or 106 degrees F or lower, due to the brain’s thermostat.

• MYTH: With treatment, fevers should come down to normal.
• FACT: With treatment, fevers usually come down 2 or 3 degrees F.

• MYTH: Fevers cause brain damage or fevers over 104 degrees F are dangerous.
• FACT: Fevers with infections don’t cause brain damage. Only body temperatures over 108 degrees F can cause brain damage. Fevers only go this high with high environmental temperatures (e.g. confined to a closed car)."

And a new tidbit I learned--"Some parents may be aware of what are called febrile seizures...These result from an inherited genetic tendency present in about 5% of people. They are usually brief, almost never harmful, and contrary to what you would think, aggressive treatment of fever and infection has not been shown to prevent them."

On Day Three of The Fever From Hell, we took her to a pediatrician because the FFH was lasting longer than we were comfortable with. As we expected, the Kid Doc said that it was most likely a viral infection but that, since it's common in little girls, we should do a urine test for a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI).

Unfortunately, bacterial cultures take time to grow. The rest of the week she continued to have a high fever that spiked at certain times and responded well to medication. 

On Day Six of the FFH, the Kid Doc called to say that in the teeny tiny drop of urine we were able to extract from our toddler, they had indeed found bacteria. Hallelujah! Antibiotics were started immediately. She had no burning when she went pee, no irritation on her Queen Victoria, and yet a UTI! The National Kidney and Urologic Diseases Information Clearinghouse site says that: "Symptoms of a UTI range from slight burning with urination or unusual-smelling urine to severe pain and high fever. A child with a UTI may also have no symptoms." Good to know.

It is now Sunday, Day Eight, T-minus 36 hours after antibiotics and hefty helpings of cranberry juice chews were started. Girl Q's temperature is normal!

Parenting is hard and Praise. The. Lord. We're all celebrating:

A mid-morning Birthday/No Fever Cupcake.

They begged and begged. I finally gave in. Sometimes bad things are so good. :)

There were times in the past week when I wondered if we should be panicking and camping in the Emergency Room. There were times that I let other people's panic make me feel like a bad parent. In the end, I'm glad we kept it cool, stayed patient, and got things figured out.