The Lump, Vajajays, and Pain in Childbirth

This blog post is going to be all over the place, I warn you. However, I will provide handy subject headings for your navigating ease.

The Lump (Also Entitled, Male Avoidance Issues)

Maybe two weeks ago, I noticed my husband had a lump on his upper thigh. I will spare no details. As soon as I felt it once, unintentionally, I couldn't stop touching it because I wanted to feel all there was to feel about it. DH does not appreciate this sort of touchy-feeliness. If there's any probing, or any discomfort at all, he immediately recoils and morphs into a sort of simpering version of The Hulk. If you can imagine that.

Me: "What's this?!"

DH: "I don't know. I noticed it like two months ago."

Me: "You don't think you should get it looked at?! Has it gotten bigger?"

DH: "I....I was kind of ignoring it. I probably should get it looked at."

Me: [Squishing lump around.]

DH: "STOP!"

Me: "I have good news. I don't think it's cancer."

DH: "Yeah? Why's that?" (He's always doubting me.)

Me: "Well, because especially in the last few years I've been reading up a bit on cancer because I'm always convinced that's what I'll end up having. Also, I asked a doctor to look at my lymph nodes and tell me if they were enlarged because I had cancer and was going to die.

DH: "And?"

Me: "Cancer is hard and kind of immovable, whereas your little lump is squishy and moves and.... [pause]...I should probably stop touching it in case it is cancer and I'm inadvertently spreading it to other parts of your body."

The fact that my husband would notice a NEW GROWTH on his body and choose to ignore it reminds me of many, many manly shortcomings. ;) My grandpa, whom I loved dearly, had cataracts and some sort of retinal detachment for years. He is the sole driver in his marriage to my grandma, so while he was slowly going blind, he just pretended like everything was dandy and kept on driving on the highways, interstates, expressways. I found out after the fact that at my wedding he was basically blind, but pressed on. Silly men.

In any case, we made an appointment to have it looked at by our doctor. From this point until his appointment, we really didn't worry too much about it. But then, our doctor wanted to get it ultra-sounded. DH was convinced that Doctor Awesome would shrug it off and reassure us that it wasn't cancer and it was something called XYZ that we didn't have to worry about. Instead, she was sending us to a specialist. Red flags! Red flags!

Contrasting our earlier nonchalance, now we were trying to convince ourselves it wasn't cancer. I Googled things and either it was cancer or it wasn't. I really narrowed it down. I put my money on a lipoma, a deposit of fat that....well, I don't know what the hell it's doing there.

We had many interesting discussions about what we would do if it was cancer. Surprisingly, my husband said that he'd already put some thought into it and had decided that he would gorge himself on everything wonderful that he loved (Arby's, giant cinnamon rolls, bacon, anything processed) and then start a cancer diet consisting of mostly vegetables. Also, we would immediately make another baby in case he died. And he would take medical leave and focus on not having cancer. The weird thing about any life-changing health problem is that one day you're okay, unaware of said problem, and the next you have a bomb drop. Life is surprising like that.

Ultra-sound day, we all went to Denver together. Not unlike when we went to get ultra-sounds for our babies, we were curious and optimistic. Boy or girl, cancerous or benign?!

The ultra-sound tech (the unofficial person who is not allowed to tell you anything) said that, "I've seen these before, it's common. I don't think you have anything to worry about." Which my husband happily took to be the Word of God. Luckily, she was right. It's just a lipoma. I don't know what we were worried about anyway; Google totally already told us that.
  
Vajajays

In an effort to educate myself about VBACs, Vaginal Birth After Cesareans, I have been reading up a little on statistics. I came across this gem today, and it really buoyed my spirits. Seriously, buoyed 'em way up there. Here's the part that meant the world to me, as if God leaned down and whispered encouragement:

1. 'A VBAC candidate who has had a previous vaginal delivery has an 89% success rate for a VBAC and fewer complications as opposed to a woman who has never had a vaginal delivery. It is therefore not appropriate to ask  women who’ve had successful vaginal deliveries to have repeat c. sections based on “hospital policy.” '

That's me! I pushed an eight pound (seven, fifteen, but come on...) baby out my hoo-ha! I can do it again! The odds are with me! That is all.

 

Pain in Childbirth


So, I have recently been reading Childbirth Without Fear by Dr. Grantly Dick-Read (British names, right?) and there was a whole section that really knocked my socks off. In a chapter that basically said we need to stop assuming childbirth HAS to be painful, he addressed whether or not God really cursed woman with 'pain' in childbirth. It turns out that the Hebrew word there isn't 'pain' but is really more like 'toil', the same Hebrew word used to describe Noah building the ark.

From the book, actually a Hebrew scholar writing to Dr. Dick-Read: "I was very pleased when I read the first sentence of Genesis 3, v 16, where the Hebrew word "etzev", which is usually translated as sorrow and pain, has obviously been misconstrued. The words of pain in Hebrew are "ke-iv' (pain), "tzaar" (sorrow), and "yesurim" (anguish). 


At no time would any Hebrew scholar use the word "etzev" as an expression of pain. The meanings of "etzev" are manifold, ie, labour...In Proverbs 14, v13, "etzev" is used as expressing labour..."Etzev" can also mean "concerned" or "anxious"...

The scholar goes on to say that "etzev" can also mean "displeased" or "of being perturbed". This is very different than my prior understanding, which was that woman sinned and now I would always suffer horrible PAIN in childbirth, so why try to avoid it?!

The reason I think this is important is wrapped up in the assumption that we all have, from movies and horror stories and even personal experience, is that childbirth is the worst agony we will ever face. In one of Ina May Gaskin's book, she writes extensively about how a woman's emotions and expectation of pain can actually make things hurt more. I get that. If we could relax and not be so fearful of what's coming, it would probably hurt less. Dr. Dick-Read (I'm sorry, it makes me laugh every time...) tells anecdotes of women who were not raised to think of child-birth as painful and therefore experienced little pain at childbirth.

All I'm saying is, is that sometimes the power of our assumptions, thoughts (fearful thoughts, in this case), and emotions is underestimated.