About Face

The other day my husband said to me, "You never really hurt before, did you?" I keep thinking about these words. His observation must mean I'm a whiner and a hypochondriac now.

The answer is that I didn't hurt. Before my daughter's pregnancy, I had never really hurt. I have never broken a bone, gotten into an accident, or suffered from any chronic healthy problems.

The worst things that had happened to me physically were needing glasses and twisting my ankle now and then. I did split my bottom lip open three times in my childhood, but that ended up being a good thing because I'm convinced it has created a fuller, plumper bottom lip. :) My payment for free cosmetic enhancements was eating through a straw for a while.

As a result of my mostly pain-free life, I have been less than sympathetic with those around me who suffer. The biggest and best example is my husband. As a Type 1 Diabetic, the guy is perpetually feeling less than stellar. He is very good at managing his blood sugar levels, but even a slight increase or decrease from the norm causes discomfort.

I have asked what it feels like to be 'high' and to be 'low'. To be high feels heavy, sluggish, sick, tired, kind of like you're slogging through sand. This might be because his blood is literally filled with 'extra' sugar that he can't use for energy. To be low feels dizzy, light-headed, still tired, kind of dazed and loopy (but happy), and insatiably hungry. He tried to eat his hat once.

For the longest time, I had a sort of faux sympathy. Since making sure his blood sugar is on-line takes priority, he always checks if before anything and everything. Sometimes we were late because he had to eat, sometimes we couldn't be intimate because he was low, sometimes he was just plain cranky because his blood sugar was high.

Sometimes I was less than understanding. I like to think most of the time I understood that he could DIE or at least be admitted to the hospital without regulating his blood sugar, so I afforded him time to figure it out.

I wasn't understanding when there were Things To Be Done. I come from a very task-oriented, To-Do-List making, ball-breaking sort of family. We're German. When I wanted to Get Things Done and my husband just wanted to lay in bed and sleep off a low/high blood sugar, I wasn't as nice as I could have been.

In the last two years, God has really done a number on me. My daughter's no-so-great pregnancy, to an unwanted surgical birth, to semi-depression, to constant diarrhea, weight-loss, thyroid problems, autoimmune problems, doctors appointments...

I can't tell you how many conversations we've had where I'm saying, "So, is this how you feel when your blood sugar is high? It sucks! No wonder you just want to lay in bed all day. That's all I want to do." And guys, this wonderful husband of mine was already attuned to health woes. So instead of telling me just to buck up and get going, he has always let me take the time I needed to recuperate and rest. Now I make sure to afford him the same courtesy. Now I know how fragile we all are.

And remember the Big D!? One of my DH's favorite sayings is:

"Respect the pooping."

Now I get it!

Anyway, I hate to admit it, but if God's sole purpose for all this health-hardship (and I'm sure it's not, I'm sure there's much more going on...) is just to make me a more caring, sympathetic, and empathetic then....okay. He knows what He's doing.

From the devotional Streams In The Desert by L.B. Cowman:

"The Lord longs to be gracious to you...'Blessed are those who wait for him!' (Isa. 30:18). The Lord watches over us all in the difficult places, and He will not allow even one trial that is too much for us. He will use His refining fire to burn away our impurities...Do not grieve Him by doubting His love."

And:

"If only we would recognize every difficult situation as something God has chosen to prove His love to us, each obstacle would become a place of shelter and rest, and a demonstration to others of His inexpressible power."