Praise & Purpose

The last few weeks have been interesting, to say the least. I always talk to DH about how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, etc. etc.

It's come up over and over again how my autoimmune thyroiditis is very similar to DH's diabetes, which is also an autoimmune condition.

Now, I like to believe that God does have a purpose in everything we go through in life, even though we don't understand it or like it.

A fellow blogger who is going through a difficult time wrote the same sentiment like this: "In all this, we know that God is for us. We know He is up to more than we can see from our vantage point, that He is good and loving and worthy of all praise. We also know He desires us to know Him and follow as He leads, so please pray He would reveal Himself clearly, that we would be willing to follow and able to be changed by His Spirit. We are nothing but clay in the hands of our Potter. Let His will, be done."

Perhaps one of the purposes of having health issues is to teach me to understand what my husband is going through all the time and to have more compassion for him. Before I understood what it felt like to be 'sick', I was kind of hard on DH. I wanted him to have the energy and drive that I felt. Now I understand what it is to just feel so tired that all you can do is lay down and sleep. Now I understand that when you're faced with overwhelming fatigue or running errands and doing housework, you always choose to rest. Nothing else seems important when you feel crappy.

I remember when I was in labor with our first child. I wanted DH to stay with me the whole time. The whole time was roughly 18 hours. After about six or seven hours, DH was white-faced, hungry, and bound and determined not to make me angry. He took time out to check his blood and mentioned that he needed to go eat soon. I didn't have room, mentally, for him to leave. It took my friend the nurse worrying about his blood sugar for me to remember that if he didn't eat and keep his blood sugar at adequate levels he could die. So we compromised and I made him eat in the room with me. ;) My point is that I didn't get it then. I didn't understand that even during a major life event he had to keep thinking about his own health, that it had to come first. 

I also understand how difficult it is to manage medications or supplements and figure out exactly what your body needs and craves. Sometimes when DH's blood sugar is high, he is mean, cranky, tired, and just plain frustrated. When his blood sugar is low he is loopy, lightheaded, and still tired. One day when I was describing how frustrating it was to feel hypothyroid and how angry it made me to seesaw back and forth, he pointed out that his blood sugar was very similar.

Compared to all day every day insulin doses and constant blood sugar checking, I have it easy. Right now I have one big problem--thyroid hormone. Right now I am worrying about the dose of one little pill.

My husband doesn't ever let his diabetes hold him back from life (unless it's to take a nap). When he wanted to go on mission trips to Mexico, Nepal, Africa--he went. He figured out how to transport his insulin across the world, keep it cold, make sure it got through security, etc. etc. When I think about traveling somewhere far away and by chance not having the right medicine available, it scares me. Who is the man I married that he can be so fearless about the reality of his life?

 DH, goofing off in the hardware store. :)

All that is to say, I am more compassionate, patient, and understanding now. Not just with my husband, but hopefully with everyone. I understand now how he feels. And I have developed tremendous respect for him because he is joyful, faithful, and he perseveres even though he wishes he didn't have Damn Diabetes. He trusts that there is a reason. 

PSALM 42
For the director of music. A maskil^[c] of the Sons of Korah.

 ¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
   so my soul pants for you, my God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
   When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
   day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
   as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
   under the protection of the Mighty One^[d]
with shouts of joy and praise
   among the festive throng.
 ⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.
 ⁶ My soul is downcast within me;
   therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
   the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
   in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
   have swept over me.
 ⁸ By day the LORD directs his love,
   at night his song is with me—
   a prayer to the God of my life.
 ⁹ I say to God my Rock,
   “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
   oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
   as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
 ¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.