Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth & Modern Maternity Care

This is a post I wrote long ago, when I was writing up my birth stories. I have long meant to publish it, but got distracted by the intense debates between the author of this book, Pushed, and some folks in the Interweb world who are staunchly against home birth.

My review--Pushed is a good read. It's a sort of expose about how obstetrics works today and I appreciate the Jennifer Block's candor.

If you are at all interested in childbirth and have often wondered why the hell a woman would choose a home birth, this is one of those reads that will explain. Alongside Ricky Lake's documentary, this book is a sort of treatise about what needs to be fixed about the baby-delivering system we have in place today. The main problem appears to be that instead of women just laboring however they labor and having their babies (with intervention being for emergencies), hospital staff are worried about time constraints, convenience, and of course, how much insurance will cover. It's less about the woman and the baby and more about 'gettin' 'er done'.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"In posh Livingston, New Jersey, physicians say that virtually all of their patients receive Pitocin to either induce or augment labor. 'Once you're admitted, my feeling is that we should be advancing our cause,' one physician there told me."

"It's convenience for the physician mainly, but convenience also for patients," says Simpson. "And absent any data to tell them that it's not OK, they say, 'Well, maybe I'll have my baby this day or that day.' I firmly believe that mothers are not informed enough to know that this is not a good idea, and that any woman who has the right information would not want to have her baby induced." Inducing tends to create longer, more difficult, more painful labors in general, and it ups a woman's chance of C-section by two to three times." (This is from a doctor who isn't so enthused about the baby-on-demand method of delivery.)


"With induction, doctors don't need to wait for their patients to go into spontaneous labor, says Simpson, which 'is not in their best interest. Think about it from a physician's perspective,' she says. 'Let's say you have a very busy practice, and you're trying to have a quality of life, maybe you've got a young family, you don't want to be running out every night to deliver a baby, or not coming home in time for dinner, missing everything that your child is doing. So what happens is you try to get all the births in between 9 and 5, and to do that, you have o make sure nobody goes into spontaneous labor; and to make sure of that, you have to induce them all early. Or let's say this is the day you have to be on call, it's best then for you to induce three or four people on that day because you can get them all done at once. Those three or four people aren't going to call you on the weekend, they're not going to call you in the middle of the night, they're not going to interrupt your office hours, they're not going to give birth any time that's inconvenient."

You should probably read it. 

Fear Is Like A Mouse

I read a book once that described all the emotions that could slowly tear you apart inside as animals. Fear was a scurrying mouse, taking small bites out of things and nibbling away at your confidence.

http://news.discovery.com/animals/mice-stem-cells-101209.html

I think fear hurts us in so many ways. It prevents us from taking risks, from fully enjoying ourselves, from doing things that might hurt. This post was originally supposed to be about fear of childbirth and how it affects childbirth, but I feel like there's so much more to say. The trick is figuring out how to let mind prevail over matter. Easier said than done, right?

In this article, women who were scared of giving birth ended up spending more time in labor. What a great irony. "The study also found that mothers who feared childbirth were also more likely than unafraid women to need an emergency C-section (11% versus 7%) or assistance with instruments such as forceps for vaginal delivery (17.0% versus 11%). Overall, about a quarter of women who feared childbirth delivered without any obstetric interventions, compared with nearly 45% of women who were not afraid."

Fear also produces chemical and physiological changes in our bodies: “Mental stress is associated with physiological arousal and release of stress hormones. During labor, high levels of stress hormones may weaken uterine contractility and thereby prolong labor in women with fear of childbirth."

So let's stop psyching ourselves out, right? Let's do some yoga, spend some time with no distractions, let's journal and calm our minds so that we are not so afraid.

Anyway, I feel like I can take this information and apply it to my life, aside from childbirth. I think fear generally makes things worse. We are paralyzed and guarded instead of forthcoming and open. I guess the whole point of this post is that I need to be less afraid and more willing to really live life, whatever it has to offer.

The Evolution of My Medical Mind

A long, long time ago I wrote a post about the book Your Medical Mind that I heard on NPR: I Heard My Savior On NPR.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/09/books/review/your-medical-mind-by-jerome-groopman-and-pamela-hartzband-book-review.html

My post was mostly about how these doctors admitted that people should be treated on an individual basis, not by numbers and rules set up arbitrarily by a focus group. They also spoke about how we as individuals respond to medical professionals. Some people are more apt to do whatever a doctor says,without questioning. Others are skeptical of everything. And some people fall somewhere in the middle.

The New York Times review explains it like this: "Groopman and Hartzband explore two sets of biases that affect patient decisions. We can be minimalists, preferring to do as little as possible, or maximalists who aggressively pursue treatment. We can be technology enthusiasts, seeking the newest drugs or procedures, or naturalists who believe the body can cure itself, perhaps with the aid of spiritual and plant-based remedies. Of course, these orientations interact..."

I have been thinking about this lately because over the last three years I've gone from someone who would indeed do whatever a doctor suggested to someone who is basically just frustrated with the seemingly god-like mentality of many doctors.

Initially when I was experiencing mind-numbing lethargy and horrible joint pain and swelling, I went to the doctor who a) put me on a dose of thyroid medication about four times what it should have been and b) who freaked out and basically told me my liver was crapping out. In the end, I went into his office two times complaining of chest pain and weight loss (because the dose was so high I was actually becoming hyper-thyroid). He told me to stay on that dose so he could see how my thyroid levels were after taking it for a month. In the end I was 25-30 pounds lighter, I twitched a lot, and he was basically glad to see me move to another city. Great work, Doc.

Aside from my personal experience with doctors basically having no idea what's wrong with me, I keep hearing anecdotal stories that are just plain frustrating. The evidence ranges from doctors in the 70s claiming a certain anti-nasuea drug was perfectly safe (when in fact in caused babies to be born without all their limbs) to doctors declaring a whole family of kids strep-free, when a second test revealed that they all did have strep.

My friend who recently had a baby was told at a check-up that she could take a drug for her nausea and that it was perfectly safe. The knowledge that this happens all the time, that drugs are 'safe' until suddenly they're not safe at all, kept her from taking it.

I saw an ad on TV calling for all those who had ever taken the anti-acne drug Acutane, because apparently people who have taken it now have colon problems, even to the point of having their colon removed. Now, people, I remember very clearly in high school knowing several people on that drug and even being offered that drug myself. The dermatologist told me it was safe, it was an option for acne. I guess at the time it hadn't been tested enough to show that after taking Acutane, you might have to poop in a bag for the rest of your life?

Thus, I have become someone who did do what the doctor ordered and it ended up hurting me. So I have gone from a trusting little lady to one who is now basically on guard with medical professionals. Sad day.

How has your medical mind evolved over the years?

Just The Facts, Ma'am

There's been a lot about genetically modified (GM) stuff in the news lately. I went on a search for studies about genetically modified crops recently. I'm a little freaked out by how much we humans are playing God. I don't think it's going to end well for us.

To be fair, there are a lot of studies out there about how safe GM foods are. There are also a lot of critics. On the other side, there are studies showing how unsafe GM foods are and there are also a lot of critics of those studies. So I just did some reading of my own.

http://www.treehugger.com/organic-beauty/arguments-against-gmos-and-industrial-agriculture.html

 There are oodles of studies that 'prove' that GM foods are safe.

This study's conclusion: "The genetically modified drought-resistant wheat T349 was substantially equivalent to parental wheat in the effects on immune organs and immunologic functions of mice, and it didn't show immunotoxicity."

And this one: "Compared with rats fed the non-GM control diet, some statistically significant differences were observed in rats fed the 3Ø5423×40-3-2 diet. However the differences were not considered treatment-related and commonly fell within the normal ranges of the control group consuming the commercial diet. These results demonstrated that the GM soybean 3Ø5423×40-3-2 is as safe as non-GM soybeans." This seems weird to me ("differences"?), but okay.

This one actually has something good to say about GM soy milk: "GM soy milk with or without probiotic-fermentation can improve hypercholesterolemia and reduce the risk of atherosclerosis, and is considered substantially equivalent to non-GM soy milk in terms of these bioactive functions."

And another: "The results demonstrated that BT-38 maize is as safe as conventional non-GM maize."

Another one that bothers me: "No statistically significant differences were found in relative organ weights of rats within groups but there were some minimal histopathological changes in liver and kidney."  I am so glad the writer's of this study were honest and included this information because it is significant to me.

Then there are the studies and articles that deem GM foods not so safe.

This particular study I thought did a great job of wording exactly what I'm worried about: "As genetically modified (GM) foods are starting to intrude in our diet concerns have been expressed regarding GM food safety. These concerns as well as the limitations of the procedures followed in the evaluation of their safety are presented. Animal toxicity studies with certain GM foods have shown that they may toxically affect several organs and systems. The review of these studies should not be conducted separately for each GM food, but according to the effects exerted on certain organs it may help us create a better picture of the possible health effects on human beings. The results of most studies with GM foods indicate that they may cause some common toxic effects such as hepatic, pancreatic, renal, or reproductive effects and may alter the hematological, biochemical, and immunologic parameters. However, many years of research with animals and clinical trials are required for this assessment. The use of recombinant GH or its expression in animals should be re-examined since it has been shown that it increases IGF-1 which may promote cancer."

GM crops affect us externally too. Huff Post has a recent article about how GM crops have led to pesticide resistant pests, which necessitates more pesticide usage. Yummy in my tummy.

The latest study, of course subject to a lot of scrutiny and picking apart (not necessarily a bad thing) concluded that GM foods do hurt rats, and hurt them quite a lot. The study ran for 200 days, about the lifespan of a rat but "Historically, biotech companies have proved the safety of GM crops based on trials involving feeding rats for a period of 90 days." What might be seen as thoroughness by some has also been listed among the problems with the study. One writer basically said that all rats would get cancer by the time they were old.

Another quote from an article about this study: "The world’s best-selling weedkiller, and a genetically modified maize resistant to it, can cause tumours, multiple organ damage and lead to premature death, new research published today reveals."

More: "In the first ever study to examine the long-term effects of Monsanto’s Roundup weedkiller, or the NK603 Roundup-resistant GM maize also developed by Monsanto, scientists found that rats exposed to even the smallest amounts, developed mammary tumours and severe liver and kidney damage as early as four months in males, and seven months for females, compared with 23 and 14 months respectively for a control group. 'This research shows an extraordinary number of tumours developing earlier and more aggressively - particularly in female animals. I am shocked by the extreme negative health impacts,' said Dr Michael Antoniou, molecular biologist at King’s College London, and a member of CRIIGEN, the independent scientific council which supported the research."

Ultimately, no matter what all the studies say, here is what's bothering me. I can admit that in the end we might really and truly prove that GM products are safe. But the choice to avoid them is being taken away from us. Products with GM foods aren't labeled and aren't required to go through any sort of extra testing (for pesticides maybe?) before being packaged and sold and eaten. The GM crops are mingling with the non-GM crops and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

I also feel like we humans are so prideful we forget that we are fallible. An article I found today is about how scientists in New Zealand created a brand new cow (after toying with it's DNA) who can produce 'hypo-allergenic' milk. The cow was also born without a tail, but they're not even sure why: "Scientists at AgResearch’s Ruakura campus were successful in greatly reducing the amount of beta-lactoglobulin (BLG), a milk whey protein that is not present in human breast milk and which can cause allergic reactions...To avoid the delay of two years before a natural lactation, the milk the scientists analyzed was from an induced lactation. They only obtained small quantities over a few days for these initial studies. They now want to breed from Daisy and determine the milk composition and yield from a natural lactation. They also want to investigate the origin of Daisy’s taillessness, a rare congenital disease in cows." Sounds great, but I fear stuff like this ends up on the market way before it's truly known what it will do to us.

Let's say we find in the end that GM foods aren't safe and we start dying prematurely and our cancer rates keep sky-rocketing, well, then too bad? It's in everything now? That sucks for us. I'm not sure about GM foods, so I'd rather wait and see, but it's getting harder and harder to avoid.

A Book About Hashimoto's...Or Beautiful Butterflies?

Okay, so recently I got a book on Inter-library Loan (-Insert Libraries Are Awesome Plug Here-) and this is my sum up of what I lovingly refer to as The Butterfly Book. It's called Hope for Hashimoto's by Dr. Alexander Haskell, N.D.

I can't say that this book was super amazing, but it was interesting. Mostly, I was confused by how this author recommended gradually adding back in iodine, but other natural-type practitioners recommend never ever taking iodine again (iodized salt, anyone?).

Part of the reason I was curious about this particular book is because Dr Haskell is one of those who believes that Hashimoto's can be 'reversed' and you don't have to take medication for life. Intriguing to me, to say the least. So, I gave it a try. Here's my summary and subsequent review. This will probably only be interesting for those who struggle with thyroid issues, but writing this helped me understand the info in the book. It's kind of a selfish blog post. :)

Introduction

*Even patients who hope to overcome Hashimoto's must start on some sort of synthetic hormone replacement. The medication will lower the body's levels of TSH, which is responsible for thyroid disease sufferers feeling crappy.

*When there's a lack of any nutrient the thyroid will struggle to make thyroid hormones and the pituitary will crank out more TSH, in the hopes (teehee) of encouraging the thyroid.

*This could lead to inflammation which, to sum up, is bad.

*We need Selenium to help reduce inflammation and protect our thyroid from the harmful effects of inflammation. Selenium deficiency has been associated with Hashimoto's.

*At least initially, someone with Hashimoto's should avoid iodine/iodide because it's believed that, thought necessary, iodine might actually raise TSH. The reason he gives for this increase is because TSH helps the body store iodine in tissues and so an initial increase in iodine will encourage the body to increase TSH in order to 'capture' the iodine. 

Phase 1 

*Goals of Phase 1 include lowering TSH to 1.0 or less, decreasing inflammation, getting the nutrients you need, and repairing thyroid damage.

*Eliminate iodine and iodide. It appears both a deficiency in iodine will increase TSH (since iodine is necessary to make thyroid hormones) and a surplus in iodine will increase TSH (since the body is trying to maxmize absorption).

*Iodine will be reintroduced when the number of thyroid antibodies (anti-TPO) go down.

*Recommended supplements: Selemiuwm (to help reduce imflammation), 400 mcg, Zinc Picolinate, 25-50 mcg, Iron, Vitamin A, and Essential Fatty Acids (recommended mixed EFA's from Biotics Research).

*The primary antioxidant studied in relation to Hashimoto's is glutathione. Glutathione can help reduce thyroid antibodies. Dr. H recommended taking N-Acetyl Cysteine (which is also apparently something people with Cystic Fibrosis take to break up mucus....).

*Drop the wheat.

*Take some time to think about whether or not your health symptoms could be caused by anything else, heavy metal poisoning, halogen saturation like fluoride, chronic infections, cholesterol, eating crappy foods, yeast infections, allergies, other hormone imbalances...

Phase II

*Goals of Phase 2 include reintroducing iodine into your diet, monitor antibodies, take a bunch of supplements, evaluate thyroid hormone production.

*Start taking liquid doses of iodine and iodide 25 mcg a day. Increase it gradually, every four days or so.

*Adjust thyroid medication dosage, hopefully to a lower dose. Monitor everything, TSH, free T4, free T3.

Phase III

*Gettin' off the meds.

*Check bound T3/T4 and free T3/T4 to see if everything is working well.

I am still intrigued. I can say that I took a multi-vitamin with lots of Iodine (too much maybe?) and I felt crappy. Anecdotally*, I would love to try to reduce my thyroid med dosage and see if I could fix what's going on. Realistically, I like the way I feel right now and I'm afraid to feel crappy again. Sigh.

*Auto-Correct says 'anecdotally' isn't a word. Screw Auto-Correct.
**The Internet says it is. ;)

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3...

Sorry for the details and the delay. More test have been going down this past month to see how my little ol' gallbladder was doing.

These are the labs that I had drawn: liver enzymes, pancreatic function (metabolic panel), and white blood cell count.

They were all normal. So normal, and yet my doctor (well, someone who works in my main doctor's office) made everything sound like I might die. It was a very confusing conversation. She is very soft-spoken and reminded me a little of the boss from Office Space:

"Hi, this is Nicky."

"Nicky? Hi, this is Dr. So-and-so. We got your lab results back...yeah...and, uh...they all look...fine."

"Oh! So...?"

"Well, your numbers were all...uh...within range."

"Does that mean that some of them were borderline out-of-range?"

"Um...no. The enzymes and metabolic panel all look good. And your, uh, white blood cell count..."

She pauses and I died a little inside from frustration.

"...oh, your white cell count looks great too, not elevated at all."

"Okay."

Silence.

"If you want, we can keep an eye on everything and check again just to make sure."

"Um, what makes you say that? Just to be certain? Or is something worrying you?"

"Oh, no, I just wanted you to know that we could, for your peace of mind."

Nothing like a few bajillion pauses to introduce anxiety and doubt in my mind.

In addition to blood work, the other day I went to have my gallbladder ultra-sounded.

http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/abdominal-ultrasound-showing-the-gallbladder

The woman who did my ultrasound was very forthcoming and flat-out told me she couldn't see anything wrong. I know she's not the official Radiologist/Voice-Of-God, but I was comforted by her opinion. She also let me know that my liver is gigantic. Not enlarged or anything bad, just...big. My secret deformity? Giant Liver. *Hangs head in shame.*

Ultrasound Tech Lady was very kind and concerned that I hadn't eaten breakfast. As someone who is most likely used to shoving aside mounds of adipose tissue (my husband's doctor-speak :) to find what she was looking for, I was absolutely svelte to her. After my appointment, she shoved a half-gallon cup of apple juice into my hand and looked tearful when I handed it to my son first. Moms are nothing if not sacrificial. Plus he was crying.

The good news is that the ultrasound officially came back fine! Dr. Office Space sounded absolutely baffled by my perfect results and, to be honest, I was too. The bad news is that I ultimately wasn't given a solid reason for the random pains I had been having. More on that in the future.

Obligatory Post: Thyroid & Gallbladder Sitting in A Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

So, this has been the question on my mind lately: Are thyroid disorders and gallbladder disorders related? 

http://uvahealth.com/services/diabetes-and-metabolism/conditions-treatments/11762

So I looked it up. I didn't find too terrible much.


The article "The Relationship Between The Thyroid and the Liver" was interesting because of this quote:

"There is also evidence that hypothyroidism may directly affect the liver structure or function. Hypothyroidism has been associated in a few case reports with cholestatic jaundice attributed to reduced bilirubin and bile excretion. In experimental hypothyroidism, the activity of bilirubin UDP‐glucuronyltransferase is decreased, resulting in a reduction in bilirubin excretion."

Also, the liver needs the hormones the thyroid produces to do it's job.

Another study, Association Between Thyroid Function And Gallbladder Disease, says:

"For decades, there has been a discussion, whether thyroid disorders could cause gallstone disease. Particularly, there are several explanations for a possible relation between hypothyroidism and gallstone disease. These explanations include the known link between thyroid failure and disturbances of lipid metabolism[1] that may consecutively lead to a change of the composition of the bile. Recent studies[2] also demonstrated low bile flow in hypothyroid subjects."

But the study concluded that only men were at a higher risk for having thyroid problems and gallbladder issues than women. This is possibly because women are at a higher risk for hypothyroidism and might be diagnosed sooner than men. So...in my opinion, kind of an inconclusive study.

From an e-zine article:

"While gallbladder disease could be the result of simply leading a sedentary lifestyle with lots of fast food, it also could be caused by hypothyroidism, a condition that means that the thyroid is not producing enough of the right thyroid hormones. Since these hormones affect many of your bodily processes, an insufficient amount affects everything from digestion and bowel movements to the speed of your ability to process thoughts."

The author lists 'gallbladder problems, including gallstones and delayed emptying' as a possible side-effect of hypothyroidism.

Chris Kesser, a guy I've quoted before who is an acupuncturist and practices integrative medicine, says that:

"...a sluggish gall bladder interferes with proper liver detoxification and prevents hormones from being cleared from the body, and hypothyroidism impairs GB function by reducing bile flow."

In any case, these are the only articles and quotes I felt worth publishing. There were a slew of web sites with info about the thyroid and gallbladder disease, but I didn't think they were very reputable. The few legitimate studies on the topic weren't super convincing. I will say that it does seem like having a shortage of thyroid hormones floating around appears to affect the amount of bile one has, which might be something!

You've Got Some Gall!

So something weird happened to me this past week. I had been having sharp pains in the my 'right quadrant', right under my rib cage, sometimes in my lower back. It occurred to me that it might be my gallbladder getting angry at me. Another voice (most likely the voice of Satan) chimed in to remind me that I was probably getting autoimmune hepatitis and would die shortly.

Once I had successfully told the Voice of Crazy to go f*** itself, I realized several factors that made it likely my gallbladder was the culprit:

*The pain was always after I ate and was worse after I ate something yummy, AKA something fatty.

*It got worse until it eventually gave me the Big D and nausea. Nausea is my worst enemy.

*My mother, my grandmother, and both my grandmother's sisters have all had gallbladder problems. Subsequently, they no longer have gallbladders. I don't know any more specifics (gallstones, blocked ducts, dysfunctional gallbladder, so many options...), except that my grandmother's gallstones were shaped like dice and she was glad to be rid of it.

*My mom and my grandma both warned me it would happen to me eventually.

http://iheartguts.com/gall-bladder

Anyway, I had been having these sharp pains on that side of my ribcage for....let's say four days or so. Then one fateful night, I decided to have avocado. For those of you who know things, you know that avocados are all fat. A healthy fat, but all fat nonetheless. Your gallbladder doesn't differentiate between healthy fat and bad fat. The pain got more and more frequent until, in the middle of a grocery store, I felt simultaneously like going to the bathroom and puking. Pleasant combo. Anyway, I booked it home. All I felt like doing was curling up in a ball on the bathroom floor. Eventually I started to feel better and I did myself some Googling.

Here is the most relevant info to myself:

"Chronic gallbladder disease (chronic cholecystitis) involves gallstones and mild inflammation. In such cases the gallbladder may become scarred and stiff. Symptoms of chronic gallbladder disease include the following:

        *Complaints of gas, nausea, and abdominal discomfort after meals; these are the most common symptoms, but they may be vague and difficult to distinguish from similar complaints in people who do not have gallbladder disease.
         *Chronic diarrhea (4 - 10 bowel movements every day for at least 3 months)."

I wish that someone had told me that gallbladder problems can cause chronic diarrhea. Maybe these last two years would have been a little easier if I had mentioned that to one of the many doctors I have seen. It also might explain why there were four incidences around when my daughter was born that I was inexplicably sick, with similar symptoms. I'm ashamed to admit this, but one time it was right after I binged on Cheetos and Oreos, both of which are chock-full of yummy fatty goodness. :)

Anecdotally, I have been testing this theory and there's no pain when I don't eat any fat. My good friend says my body has successfully taken all the fun out of eating. BUT I STILL HAVE SUGAR!

I go to the Doc today to see if I'm just a crazy hypochondriac or if I should go get an ultrasound. Sigh. Any personal, similar experiences with gallbladder issues would be appreciated.

About Face

The other day my husband said to me, "You never really hurt before, did you?" I keep thinking about these words. His observation must mean I'm a whiner and a hypochondriac now.

The answer is that I didn't hurt. Before my daughter's pregnancy, I had never really hurt. I have never broken a bone, gotten into an accident, or suffered from any chronic healthy problems.

The worst things that had happened to me physically were needing glasses and twisting my ankle now and then. I did split my bottom lip open three times in my childhood, but that ended up being a good thing because I'm convinced it has created a fuller, plumper bottom lip. :) My payment for free cosmetic enhancements was eating through a straw for a while.

As a result of my mostly pain-free life, I have been less than sympathetic with those around me who suffer. The biggest and best example is my husband. As a Type 1 Diabetic, the guy is perpetually feeling less than stellar. He is very good at managing his blood sugar levels, but even a slight increase or decrease from the norm causes discomfort.

I have asked what it feels like to be 'high' and to be 'low'. To be high feels heavy, sluggish, sick, tired, kind of like you're slogging through sand. This might be because his blood is literally filled with 'extra' sugar that he can't use for energy. To be low feels dizzy, light-headed, still tired, kind of dazed and loopy (but happy), and insatiably hungry. He tried to eat his hat once.

For the longest time, I had a sort of faux sympathy. Since making sure his blood sugar is on-line takes priority, he always checks if before anything and everything. Sometimes we were late because he had to eat, sometimes we couldn't be intimate because he was low, sometimes he was just plain cranky because his blood sugar was high.

Sometimes I was less than understanding. I like to think most of the time I understood that he could DIE or at least be admitted to the hospital without regulating his blood sugar, so I afforded him time to figure it out.

I wasn't understanding when there were Things To Be Done. I come from a very task-oriented, To-Do-List making, ball-breaking sort of family. We're German. When I wanted to Get Things Done and my husband just wanted to lay in bed and sleep off a low/high blood sugar, I wasn't as nice as I could have been.

In the last two years, God has really done a number on me. My daughter's no-so-great pregnancy, to an unwanted surgical birth, to semi-depression, to constant diarrhea, weight-loss, thyroid problems, autoimmune problems, doctors appointments...

I can't tell you how many conversations we've had where I'm saying, "So, is this how you feel when your blood sugar is high? It sucks! No wonder you just want to lay in bed all day. That's all I want to do." And guys, this wonderful husband of mine was already attuned to health woes. So instead of telling me just to buck up and get going, he has always let me take the time I needed to recuperate and rest. Now I make sure to afford him the same courtesy. Now I know how fragile we all are.

And remember the Big D!? One of my DH's favorite sayings is:

"Respect the pooping."

Now I get it!

Anyway, I hate to admit it, but if God's sole purpose for all this health-hardship (and I'm sure it's not, I'm sure there's much more going on...) is just to make me a more caring, sympathetic, and empathetic then....okay. He knows what He's doing.

From the devotional Streams In The Desert by L.B. Cowman:

"The Lord longs to be gracious to you...'Blessed are those who wait for him!' (Isa. 30:18). The Lord watches over us all in the difficult places, and He will not allow even one trial that is too much for us. He will use His refining fire to burn away our impurities...Do not grieve Him by doubting His love."

And:

"If only we would recognize every difficult situation as something God has chosen to prove His love to us, each obstacle would become a place of shelter and rest, and a demonstration to others of His inexpressible power."

Bump It Up

I'm a little late in posting this, but I got the results of a blood draw about a week and a half ago.

If you remember, the dessicated pig thyroid was good except that I was getting to much T3. This bums me out a lot. I had high hopes for piggie thyroid! On NatureThroid my TSH was great, about .89, but my T3 was too high and my T4 too low. I still had arthritis and my cycle was about 20 days. I think all you ladies reading this will agree that 20 days is way too short. My good friend and I agreed-that's time enough for one-half PMS and one-half period!

*Sigh.*

In any case, my doc agreed to switch me from NatureThroid back to 100 mcg of Tirosint to see if my numbers would all look a little better.

After six weeks, my TSH is at 3.2 (a little bit higher than it should be), my T3 is 3.1 (a little lower than it should be), and my T4 is at 1.56, which is about right.

We bumped up my dosage to 112 mcg of Tirosint and so far it's been good.

The only thing I'm frustrated with right now (besides unsuccessfully trying to stay off meds!) is that the first time I tried out Tirosint, probably 18 months ago now, 88 mcg was enough for my levels to be awesome. I felt awesome and I had no arthritis. It was shortly after I started on 88 mcg that I decided to try Chinese medicine.

In any case, my big question is why was 88 mcg good then, but not enough now?! Am I not absorbing the med well enough? Am I having some issue converting T4 (the stuff in the pill) to T3 (the form your body uses)? :/ I have no answers for this. Interestingly enough, the thyroid is where this conversion takes place, so some argue that a Hashimoto's thyroid (one beat down by your own body) isn't up to the task.

Other Applicable Updates:

Diarrhea: (I am laughing my ass off that I even wrote that. And for all the world to see.) Better, especially when I take pro-biotics and peppermint/ginger oil. Even better still when I don't eat insoluble fiber. The hardest thing is that I really, really like popcorn. That's, uh, pretty much 100% roughage. :)

Arthritis: Better with the increased dosage. On 100 mcg, I didn't have a lot of arthritis in my fingers or ankle, but for some reason my shoulder was freezing up and popping a lot. :( That's slowly been improving over the last week on the bigger dose. We'll see what happens in the long run.

By The Numbers

The Internet is a beautiful thing. I have been messing around with this blog, seeing who is reading and from where.

The breakdown of page views by COUNTRY is as follows:

United States-4,312
Russia-187
Germany-43
Canada-31
Latvia-18
Panama-15
Australia-14
Singapore-10
Brazil-9
Jersey-4

United Kingdom-2
China-1
Germany-1
India-1

Now, I'm not a math whiz. At all. I recently looked through a gigantic box of old report cards and homework and consistently I got a C or WORSE in math. Once I got a B+, it's true, but I'm mostly sure that was pity from the teacher and not capability or comprehension on my part. I also attempted a math problem I'd previously gotten wrong in the 3rd grade and I GOT IT WRONG AGAIN. I cried a little into my dairy-free, wheat-free chai.

I digress. I'm not interested in these numbers, per se, but let's be frank. RUSSIA?! After the U.S., the most people who have read my eclectic blog are people from Russia.

Who is reading this blog in Russia? What is happening? What are the search terms they used that brought them to me? I would have at least assumed there would be more people stumbling upon this blog from an English-speaking country, but a measly 2 people (unless it's one person who visited twice) from the U.K. have read this. I'm not counting Canada. (I'm joking, I'm joking...) Don't even get me started on Latvia. I'm not entirely sure where it is. :/

These are some of the search terms that brought people to my blog (take a moment to reflect on how creepy it is that Blogger can tell me this information):

• "masking clearvite taste"-I was no help on this one. My only advice in this department is that if you drink things fast enough it really doesn't matter what it tastes like. It's stopping to reflect on the taste that gets people into trouble.

• "pregnancy rash on face"-Again, I'm sure my blog proved a disappointment.

•  "guinea pig growth chart"-I can only assume someone is very concerned that their guinea pig is growing at the appropriate rate. These someones probably need more social interaction. ;) 

• "rheumatoid arthritis rash pictures tiny red dots"-Mm. This might the time to educate the masses in search terms, using AND/OR and quotation marks to refine things a little.

The post with the most page views is "This Shit Just Got Real" which I'm fairly sure is solely because I used the word "shit". I will heretofore conduct an experiment in which I use curse words in my post titles and see if it raises readership. Now you are ALL my Guinea Pigs! Bwahaha!

All About Babies Part IV, What I Want

So, it might be clear after my birth stories that I was less than enthused with how my second 'birth' went. I wish it could have been different, but it is true, I have a wonderful little girl just the same. If we do have kids again, this post is about what I want.

An intermission before the actual post. I have been keeping up with the crazy home birth vs. hospital debates [see below for links] and there's been a lot of mean things said. By everyone. One comment maligned home birth moms for wanting a 'perfect birth', an unattainable ideal that is just 'silly'. Well, I think we all want a 'perfect birth' and I think we should all hope for that. Reality is that sometimes it won't be perfect, but isn't life all about hoping and striving for those perfections?

Anyway, everyone has an opinion, everyone has emotional ties, and everyone interprets the statistics differently. I don't really care. This is my blog and this about what I want. :)

• I want to have a VBAC.

To reiterate, a c-section compared to a vaginal birth sucked ass. The end. 

• I want to deliver with VBAC-friendly medical staff.

I am frustrated with doctors and hospitals that pay lip service to VBACs or avoiding inductions and then switch 'sides' near the end of pregnancy. Not cool. That's not supportive, encouraging, or even honest. The goal would be to find someone trustworthy whose opinion I could bank on.

• I want a doula

Lots of statistics point to a doulas presence drastically reducing the rate of c-sections and need for pain interventions. Sign me up.  Information on doulas (and the good they can do for you) from DONA International.

• I want as few interventions as possible.

This one scares me a little because I did have an epidural with my son. I could still feel my legs and some pain on my side, but I couldn't feel pain in my uterus, where it counts!

The reason I wouldn't want a lot of pain medication and 'intervention' is because your likelihood of having a repeat Cesarean goes up as you get induced, epidurals, etc. An example: Early Epidural Double C-Section Risk After Induction.

Plus, with DS, I had some sort of narcotic drug to help with the pain and it only made me dizzy and nauseous. That's not what I had in mind.

• I want to eat my placenta.

I would totally be that weirdo. A friend's wife did that after her VBAC and it was the first I'd ever heard of it. Since then, crazy people in Hollywood have done it. I would do it just on the off chance it does help with post-partum depression. I would especially do it if I had a repeat Cesarean section. Fruit of the Womb does placenta encapsulation in Colorado.

As a Certified Nurse Midwive I talked to recently told me, there's not enough evidence one way or the other on this one. People think it might help 'replenish' the mom's energy and stave off depression, but there's no proof that it does. Here's a link to one mom who ate her placenta (it still sounds gross) but wishes she hadn't: I Regret Eating My Placenta. Anyway, that's why I say I'd do it on the off chance. :)

• I want to feel empowered.

I just want to feel capable of having a baby out my hoo-ha again. :) Having my son affirmed that I was a confident, capable person and then having a section with my daughter kind of took away some confidence and self-assurance. That's how it was for me.

Current Crazy Debate (In Order of Publication):

Home Birth: Increasingly Popular, But Dangerous by Michelle Goldberg
How To Scare Women by Jennifer Block
Michelle Goldberg Answers A Critic's Distortions of Her Home-birth Argument by Michelle Goldberg
Separating Evidence From Ideaology in the Homebirth Debate by Jennifer Block

A blog post about this debate: Smart Women Debate Homebirth

The Skeptical OB's (Dr. Amy Tuteur) Take: 
Jennifer Block: Whack-A-Mole Journalist 
Navel-Gazing Midwife Takes On Jennifer Block

All About Babies, Part III Some More Things I Learned

Continued:

• Once a Cesarean doesn't mean always a Cesarean.

I feel there are two camps of moms-to-be. One group wants to have a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean because they didn't want surgery to get their baby out to being with. Another group enjoys the control and security that comes with a Cesarean. (There's a third group, a group that might want a VBAC but can't find a provider, but that is a whole separate issue. An issue of fear and malpractice insurance. :)

Whatever camp you fall into, it is clearer every day and with each new study that you don't have to have another Cesarean once you've had one. The risks of surgery are comparable to the risks of a VBAC, if you ask me.

The National Institutes of Health say that "...VBAC remains a safe alternative for the right candidates, and when those women try labor, between 60% and 80% of the time they do give birth vaginally...It urged that doctors offer mothers-to-be an unbiased look at the pros and cons, so they can decide for themselves...in 1980, government experts concluded that many mothers could safely deliver vaginally the next time, citing evidence that their risk of a uterine rupture was less than 1%."

One of my favorite bloggers, The Feminist Breeder, was featured in this article entitled Women Struggle to Avoid Repeat C-Sections: "...many women don’t know they have the option of fighting against the knife for a VBAC. Only about 11 percent of women in the United States had VBACs in 2003, down from about 28 percent in 1996, according to the National Center for Health Statistics."


But the illusion of being in control is powerful: " 'Our practice always offers the option [of repeat elective C-sections], and a lot of women choose to have another one,” she said. 'They like the idea that it’s scheduled. They go in and know what’s happening, avoiding any chance of an emergency'...C-sections have become such a common practice that 90 percent of women who give birth that way once will do so again, according to the Illinois Department of Public Health."

• There are risks to C-sections.

Risks for the mom with a c-section include: Infection of the bladder or uterus, injury to the urinary tract, and injury to the baby. For future pregnancies: Placenta previa, placenta growing into the muscle of the uterus and has trouble separating after the baby is born (placenta accreta), and uterine rupture. The New York Times article I pulled information from makes sure to say that the surgery is safe before it lists all the complications. :)

At least WebMD also specifies that c-sections are "major surgery". They also list a few more complications than the New York Times article: heavy blood loss, blood clots, nausea, vomiting, headache, bowel problems (!), oh, and rarely maternal death. Of course risks increase with each subsequent c-section.


There are potential risks for c-section children. Sections are being linked to obesity, possibly genetic issues, not to mention asthma because they didn't get their lungs squished through a birth canal. More interventions do not mean healthier children.

My takeaway is that a) elective repeat c-sections are definitely not 'safer' than VBACs and b) c-sections are major surgery. In every other discipline, great care is taken to be LESS invasive and avoid major surgery if possible. But with obstetrics, now we can just go cutting up the abdomen because the date works for everyone?

• It's NOT just about having a healthy baby.

It's about the whole experience. I keep hearing the refrain "but all that matters is a healthy baby", which translates to me as "your emotions and memories of birth really don't matter. Move on, be thankful, get over it." It's easier said than done, I suppose. There are some who believe that it's harder to bond with a c-section baby and to breast feed them successfully. Here is a link to The Feminist Breeder's 'lovely' c-section experience (here's the whole story). Also read the posted comments to hear other moms who wish it had happened differently. Here is a link to Q&A with an artist who had two Cesareans, one against her will! This is indeed how I felt:

Skeptical OB (Amy Tuteur) has a 'lovely' post about how this sort of thinking is just plain selfish. Labor and birth are all about a healthy baby, she says, no matter how you get there. She uses a horrible comparison--what if you had a wonderful vaginal delivery but your baby was dead? Would you be so happy that you had the birth of your dreams?!

Well, my husband pointed out to me that this is a logical fallacy. It's assuming that you can have one (lovely birth) OR a healthy, living baby. That's not true. What moms mourn is, I suppose, the whole package.

Despite Dr. Amy's opinion, I have to say that I don't think it's that simple. As my mom-in-law put it after my Cesarean, "Nicky, you were cut open. You need to take it easy." And that's how it felt. I wouldn't look down there, wouldn't touch my scar, wouldn't let my husband touch the scar all because it was a reminder of a cold room, helplessness, and someone cutting my baby out.

Well, those are some of the things I learned.

All About Babies, Part III Some Things I Learned

After my son's mostly wonderful birth followed closely by my daughter's not so great birth, I started reading more about the whole process. I am in a unique position to be able to compare the two and it's hard not to.

I haven't mentioned it anywhere else on this blog, but I'm a librarian. Already a slut for information, working as a librarian has just made me feel professionally obligated to seek it out and gleefully sort through it. Like a kid in a candy store! Except with facts and studies and....well, okay, I'm a really boring person.

I think that seeking out information about birth, labor, and how obstetrician's practice these days was/is a way for me to process my experiences and understand them. So this post is hopefully going to summarize some of the things I learned that made a difference to me and shaped what I want for myself in subsequent pregnancies, if we are blessed with them. I tried really hard to reference everything so you can see that I'm not a lunatic and research for yourself.

I also know that birth is really personal. However it might seem to you, I do not know your circumstances or the choices that you or your doctors made. What I believe is that we need to inform ourselves. We need to understand what is happening in pregnancy, labor, and delivery and we need to know what questions to ask to avoid unnecessary surgery. We need to be confident and less fearful of birth. 


Without further ado, here are the things I have learned:

• Sometimes c-sections are being done because they're the best thing for everyone. 

Sometimes everything goes wrong, even after the best efforts, and surgery is the only way out. I feel like it's important that you readers make the distinction with me between EMERGENCY situations and situations where everyone kind of gives up (or doesn't even attempt) vaginal birth. But how many Cesareans are actually necessary? That is the question.

For example, here is an article about a home birth family, in which the baby ultimately suffered because mom and dad a) had been previously traumatized by a c-section and b) refused all medical interventions upon arriving at a hospital. I think if the baby's heart rate is decelerating, it might be a good reason for a Cesarean.

• Sometimes c-sections are being done because it's the best thing for everyone else, i.e. your schedule, the hospital's bottom line, the OB's busy life...

When I was pregnant for the first time, I went to the first OB's office I found. My first appointment with her was nice. And then I started hearing all sorts of stories about how she was c-section happy. One woman was told her baby's heart rate was worrisome and rushed into surgery at 38 weeks. Her doula objected faintly that her strip (the strip of paper printing out baby's heart rate from the fetal monitor) was perfectly fine. Later she found out that the OB was going to go on vacation the following week. I switched to a practice that wasn't so OR-friendly.

But that's not okay. I think moms and doctors need to take a step back from putting our own schedules ahead of a physiological process, because it sure seems like circumventing that process hasn't done us any favors.

Ricki Lake's documentary The Business of Being Born talks about the 'conveyer belt' mentality in hospitals. You go to the hospital. You might be induced. If the induction doesn't work, then you get Pitocin. Because Pitocin is certifiably exhausting, you get an epidural. If the Pitocin doesn't kick-start things, you end up with a c-section because everyone is tired and eventually mom and baby start to show signs of duress. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that sometimes your body isn't ready to labor and then you're 'failing to progress'.

Some doctors are inducing women who are not physiologically ready to give birth so that they can get home on time, which is just plain bad medicine. Here's an article about cutting for convenience. In Pushed, doctors and nurses admitted that patients were induced all in one day just so the doctor on-call could try to get everything done in one day.

A woman I really admire, The Feminist Breeder, almost missed her VBAC because the hospital staff was tired of waiting for her to labor. The Doctor gave her the 'dead baby speech', but in this instance everything was actually fine and dandy. Feminist Breeder's husband was getting scared. He took the doc aside in the hallway and finally got the truth. The Doc admitted the baby's heart rate and the mom's heart rate/bp were fine and agreed to back off. THIS SHOULDN'T HAPPEN. If there's no concrete reason for surgery, it shouldn't be done. You should click on that particular link. I love that story. Anyway, the reason she got her VBAC is because she knew what was what. If baby had really been in distress, things might have ended differently.

• Some OBs use fear and crap reasoning to coerce women into getting c-sections. 

This article is about this very phenomenon. Some call this the 'dead baby card'. That's ultimately how I felt before my section. "Restricted growth! Low amniotic fluid! Breech baby!" In the end, I have good sources who tell me it was more about my OB not wanted to wait around for me to labor than any risk factors. I have heard lots of women say they got c-sections because their pelvis was too small, their baby was too big, or because they weren't progressing 'fast enough', Failure To Progress. From what I've read, it doesn't seem like these are always good reasons, they're more like excuses.

The link for 'small pelvis' includes a video full of women who were told that very thing and then proceeded to have babies out their 'too small' pelvis. Here's a link about what anti-intervention people call "Failure to Be Patient".

Then there are the out-and-out lies, like in the Feminist Breeder's VBAC story: “They kept trying to tell me that Julsies’ heartbeat was becoming [too fast]. Well, I knew what that was and I could see the fetal monitor and it wasn’t,” Crosley-Corcoran said. “To me, the most inappropriate behavior was the scare tactics.”


I have friends who have labored for hours and did discover they had a weirdo birth canal and had to have a c-section. By the same token, I have read story after story about women who were told their pelvis was small or their babies were big and would never have a baby vaginally but then went on to have their babies vaginally. What does that mean? You don't know if X, Y, or Z is the really and truly the case until you've labored.

• Speaking of fear, we need to be less fearful of childbirth.

We are scaring ourselves out of a positive birth experience. The End. Seriously, there is physiological evidence that the more anxious and fearful you get in labor, the more labor is inhibited. Then you get drugs and then maybe a c-section. The current medical climate isn't solely to blame for the insane rise in c-sections.

• Some OBs are terrified (with good reason) of being sued. 

The reason for all these c-sections? Doctors and hospitals get sued if they don't do c-sections fast enough these days. It looks like they've done 'everything' they could if they do a c-section. Here is an article about how there are actually fewer OBs because less people are willing to deal with the lawsuits and malpractice insurance, etc. etc. Dr. Amy Tuteur (a stanch opponent of home birth) posted about a lawsuit (Homebirth Ends Brain Damage, Parents Win 55 Million...From the Hospital) in which, after a failed homebirth, the hospital who tried to save the baby was successfully sued. WTF?

• Most OBs are less skilled at delivering babies and are more skilled at cutting.

Breech vaginal deliveries, twin deliveries, and all sorts of non-vertex positioned babies are routinely scheduled for c-sections. Part of the reason is because (besides being terrified of lawsuits) doctors don't know how to deliver these types of babies anymore. There are only two doctors in my town that will attend a vaginal breech delivery.

PubMed has an article entitled To Rescue A Vanishing Obstetric Skill--Vaginal Breech Delivery that explains this phenomenon. Another blogger at The Obstetrician's Lament has a post about this as well. A similar article, Vaginal Delivery of Vertex-Nonvertex Twins, discusses how nowadays instead of even attempting a twin birth, twin pregnancies are automatic c-sections.

Yes, some deliveries are higher risk. But I think that when we hear the phrase 'high-risk' we assume that 60% of vaginal breech babies WILL DIE, for example. Breech babies "Perinatal mortality is increased 2- to 4-fold with breech presentation, regardless of the mode of delivery. Deaths are most often associated with malformations, prematurity, and intrauterine fetal demise." So breech babies are at a higher risk for having something wrong with them already, regardless of the mode of delivery.

In Pregnancy Outcomes by Mode of Delivery Among Breech Births, the authors write that between women who had a vaginal breech birth and a c-section: "Neonatal complications did not differ between the group of women with term babies" and that "Vaginal delivery of 1,000-1,500 g babies presenting as breech is associated with the increased neonatal mortality compared with cesarean delivery. [Um, because they already have something wrong with them...] Cesarean delivery is associated with maternal morbidity compared with the vaginal delivery." 


Did you catch that? Cesarean is riskier for the mom. Huh, I thought they were just sunshine and roses.

This is the End of Part I. It's getting super long. See my next post for the continuation.

All About Babies, Part II Dear Daughter's Birth Story

I finally have Internet access again! I contemplated posting a blog from my cell phone, but that was a last resort and I don't love blogging enough to endure the frustration of trying to type on a virtual keyboard.

In any case, still in my effort to reach the blog where I try to tackle my personal feelings about childbirth, here is my daughter's birth story.

In my last post about my son's birth, I hope it was pretty clear that everything went extremely well. With my daughter's pregnancy it seemed like everything went extremely awry.

During the whole pregnancy, we were trying to move, find a new house to buy, and figure out everything financially. Oh, and we were moving into my in-laws basement in the interim between an old house and a new one. One contract on our house fell through and we had to kind of move back into our home and try to sell it again. All that = STRESS.

At about ten weeks pregnant, I developed some sort of infection (B.V. for those of you in the know...) and I could either let it be and risk a pre-term labor or I could try to treat it. After about four days of using what they gave me for that, I experienced that heart-stopping moment when you think you might lose your baby.

At about eleven weeks pregnant, I had a pretty substantial sub-chorionic hemorrhage, or BLEEDING. As most of you know, that early in pregnancy the baby docs are pretty clueless and hands off. There's really nothing they can do and nothing you can do but wait and see. The options were miscarriage or not.

This didn't help alleviate any of my stress.

Thanks be to God, when we went in the day of the hemorrhage, our baby girl was still there. After the bleeding stopped--still there. On the ultrasound you could see the blood. The tech estimated that it was about a cup of blood, just hanging out in there waiting to be reabsorbed. Because I am an information seeker (and probably very annoying) I asked and asked what could have caused it. One of the possibilities was that a small part of the placenta had detached, but not the whole thing.

The middle parts of the pregnancy were okay. I was again diagnosed with slight anemia (again), I was dehydrated, dizzy, I had some weird bouts of puking. It wasn't great. My daughter was also breech.

Near the end of her pregnancy, she was still breech. Not only that but they were concerned that she was too small. I was not concerned about a) trying for a breech birth because I was a vaginal breech birth, it can be done, and b) her size.

My son was basically a healthy eight pounds and they had also sounded the alarm with him because my stomach didn't stick far enough out. I had two or three extra ultra sounds to confirm that he was in proportion and wasn't suffering from a growth restriction. And in the end....EIGHT POUNDS!? Forgive me for not worrying about my daughter's size either.

Because they thought she was approximately four, maybe five, pounds, we started doing non-stress tests. We tried external version to turn her, but that failed pretty promptly because she suffered decelerations in heart rate every time the doctor got down to business.

Then came the last scare of all--low amniotic fluid. The doctor finally sat down with us to say that her presentation, her size, and my low amniotic fluid had prompted him to recommend a Cesarean. It was terrifying and I wasn't sure what to think. One of my nurse midwives agreed with his recommendation. I didn't really speak with anyone else before the surgery to get their opinion.

Comparing the craziness and thrill of a vaginal birth with a Cesarean is like comparing a roller coaster to being kidnapped by a maniac. For me, anyway. One is fun, exciting, and a little scary. The other made me feel vulnerable, unsure, and helpless.

I met with the Nurse Anesthetist before the surgery and he was very calming. Once I got into the O.R., I was shocked. It was terribly cold and filled with strangers. I had one close friend there who was a nurse and my nurse midwife, but even they had to wear the surgical gowns and masks. Right up to the end, I was asking my nurse midwife if she thought this was a good idea, if I would be a candidate for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean), etc.

I had a brief moment of panic when they put the mask over my face. It made me feel claustrophobic and I reached over to move it away. The Anesthesiologist gave me a patronizing glance and without a word, put it over my face again. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, it was just bad timing. I was already freaking out and it was just made worse. I said my peace and the mask was finally removed.

Sometime during or after the surgery, my midwife told me that my uterus was "beautiful". But now it had a massive scar on it?! Could I ever again rely on that uterus?

My daughter was pulled from me and appeared to be just fine. She was also two weeks early and a strong six pounds, ten ounces. Too small, my ass. Next time I'm pregnant and there are concerns about size, I am going to flip my shit. It's not worth worrying about.

After the surgery, I was nauseous and puked and so they gave me more drugs. I was stuck in bed with three or four different machines on me plus those damn compression socks. I argued with our nurses all the time. I was frustrated and unfamiliar with the whole surgery process.

Let me just remind you, after a vaginal birth you can go do aerobics for all they care. You're fine. You are not a floppy piece of woman to be poked, prodded, and continually drugged up.


When I finally went home, I was bloated, distended, and in pain. I couldn't pick up my toddler and every time I looked down I was reminded of my mutilation. This is what it seemed like to me. I didn't want a c-section, but I did it because I thought it was best for my daughter.

For whatever reason, the aftermath the surgery combined with some predispositions in me equalled crazy IBS and newly developing thyroid problems. I wasn't able to really enjoy my new daughter because I was totally distracted by my body rebelling.

I talked with a friend later who knew one of my other midwives. I guess this particular midwife (whom I did not speak with the day before my surgery was scheduled) was totally on board with me getting an induction and a trial of labor. She was also of the opinion that I wasn't low on amniotic fluid at all. This enraged me. I thought at the time that there was a consensus of medical opinion that a c-section was best for me.

My DH is very reassuring about all this. I will never know what would have happened if I had labored. Maybe she wasn't strong enough to withstand labor. Simply, we believe God does have a plan that is for the greater glory. Even though I wish it hadn't happened that way, somehow it will all work out for the best. And yes, I am very grateful that I have a daughter who is here and mostly healthy and mostly happy. :)

This is the way it happened. It's done, it's in the past, and it's definitely time to move on.

All About Babies, Part I Dear Son's Birth Story

I have been posting a lot on Facebook about birth in our world today. It's a seriously sensitive topic! I posted this article about apparent Systemic Failures in American Maternity Care without even noticing the comments afterwards. But then I read on and on and on....after the article, there is a heated debate in the comments section between a former OB who is staunchly against home birth and other women who are for less 'medicalized' hospital births.

In any case, I think that a) my daughter's birth is intricately tied into my weird postpartum health problems and b) it might be worth telling my birth stories to explain how I ended up where I did with my views on childbirth. Here goes.

With my DS, everything went as according to plan as it possibly could. The only problem was that later in the pregnancy, they were concerned I wasn't measuring big enough. I got extra ultrasounds as a bonus and they couldn't point to any major growth restrictions or disproportions.

My water broke at 3 a.m. on August 24th, 2008 and then there was that dreaded 'plug' business. (Let me just interject that my husband works with other people's mucous all day but when it came to this stuff, he couldn't stomach it! Pansy.)

I woke up my husband right away and we just walked around together. It wasn't until I started puking and needing the toilet simultaneously that we decided to go to the hospital. We could have waited longer.

Triage at the hospital was just annoying. I knew I was in labor, irrefutably. But it's not really labor until a stranger with the tools of the trade tells you so.

In our room, I was welcomed by a nurse who, while otherwise nice, would NOT get off of my back about laying down and getting drugs. She eventually just resorted to the same annoying phrase: "You'll eventually want to...." Fill in the blank with whatever she wanted me to do.

I spent the next few hours walking in our room and meditating on a medicine ball, which I adored. 

After who knows how many hours, my nurse midwife came in and asked if I wanted her to break the rest of my 'waters'. Because I was impatient, I said, "Yes." In retrospect, I definitely would have waited. It's like a children's story. Because she broke my water, then the contractions got tough. Because the contractions were tough, Nicky got tired. Because Nicky was tired, Nicky caved to the aforementioned-and-refused medication. Because she got some weird med, Nicky got dizzy. Because Nicky was dizzy, Nicky couldn't stand up. Because Nicky couldn't stand up, Nicky didn't progress. You get the picture. :)

The next time my midwife checked things out, I wasn't dilated as much as she was hoping. She was suggesting we try Pitocin, which I really didn't want. Because Pitocin can be horrible, she suggested we get an epidural first. I did. It was lovely. I slept. Despite having a "window of pain", I slept. On my left side, down into my leg, I could feel the contractions. I could still feel my legs. I think this was probably a blessing.

While I was sleeping, I relaxed and everything else relaxed and I dilated to a 10.

Me, before the epidural:

Almost 16 hours after my water broke, it was time to push. This part was the most frustrating to me because there was a bowling ball stuck in my nethers and I didn't really try to push because everyone was so encouraging. Their encouragement led me to believe that my son's head was just about to fall out! Surely I didn't need to try that hard! After some crazy acrobatics (here's where I'm grateful the epidural wasn't total) and two hours of pushing later:

Someone handed me my babe. Even though I'd paid lip service to the idea of skin contact right after birth, I was a little out of it and he was slimy. And purpley. So I sent him to get bathed. :) The first thing I asked for after he was born? A Coke.

My DS was 7 lbs, 15 ounces.

In Dedication to My Darling Daughter

So, my Facebook friends know that this week has been interesting. I'm going to tell the whole story here on my blog because this is what has consumed my week and because it does concern health issues. It's just I'm not the Guinea Pig, it's my Dear Daughter.

Two weeks ago Dear Daughter told us that her "ear hurt", so we took her to the pediatrician and sure enough, ear infection in the right ear. Since she'd had Amoxicillin in April for a double ear infection, the pediatrician put her on Augmentin this time. As I understand it, Augmentin is like Amoxicillin but augmented to be more effective.

After about five days on Augmentin, DD came down with a fever. I totally dismissed her fever and accompanying cough because our DS had just battled a fever and cough the previous four days. In any case, after a night and most of a day with a fever, DD woke up from nap time with what looked like hives:

Because neither of our kids had ever had a rash that looked like this, I took her to see her Doctor.

The diagnosis at this point was viral hives, presumably from the virus she caught from her brother. The pediatrician ruled out a reaction to Amoxicillin because she assumed that DD would have reaction the first time she'd been given the drug. I know now that this is not necessarily true. Our doctor told us to stop giving her Augmentin because, whatever was going on, it clearly wasn't helping her ear infection. Instead we were told to start her on a drug called Omnicef.

In any case, into the night and into the next day, DD started to get worse and worse:

Benadryl did nothing to ease the itching or the swelling. Oatmeal baths were nice temporarily, but ultimately annoyed her. Her skin turned fire engine red and raised up into welts. Her eyes gradually disappeared. She also had a high fever this whole time and we were giving Ibuprofen for that. She had no trouble breathing at all, fyi. Now, I was told she was having a "allergic" type reaction to a virus, so to my knowledge all of this was to be expected.

After nap time on this third day, DD woke up with bruises in amongst the rashes. Now, I've talked to my DH about this sort of thing before and I knew it wasn't good. So I called our pediatrician back and this is the conversation we had:

"Hi, this is Me, we saw you yesterday for a rash? It's gotten a lot worse and her face it totally swollen. But that isn't really what concerns me. She just woke up with what looks like bruises all over."

I was waiting for our Doc to reassure me and say that was what she expected to see. Instead she said, "Um, yeah....she could be going into blabbedy-blabbedy-septicemia. You need to get her to the ER now. If she needs something I can't provide, I'd rather she be there instead of here."

"Oh. Okay, well I'm going to go now." 

"How far away are you from the ER?"
 
"I'm going to take her to Children's, we're maybe half an hour away?" 

"Okay, that should be fine."

"Okay, thank you, will you call ahead?!"

"Yes, they'll know you're coming." 

"Bye."

So, even though DD was responsive, eating and drinking some, and breathing fine, now I'm terrified that she's going into septic shock and is going to die before the day is out.


My husband was in some inane (so it seemed at the time) Life Support Class for his job at the hospital and I couldn't get a hold of him. I called my Mother-In-Law instead, a saint in jeans and T-shirts, and she dropped everything to meet us at the hospital. I was bawling as I buckled the kids into their car seats. Every time I looked at DD's legs, all red, splotchy, and bruised, I was reminded that her little body might be giving up some invisible fight.

Through my tears, I called a number DH had given me for the department he usually works in at the hospital. Some poor Respiratory Therapist tried to understand me through my sniffling. She worked some magic and figured out where my husband was. I found out later I used the wrong acronym to describe what class he was in and there was a lot of confusion. So the message that "his wife is looking for him because she has to take their daughter to the ER" got sent through a lot of people before it made it to my husband. In real life, Telephone works pretty well!

In any case, I calmed down when we got to the Children's Hospital Colorado Urgent Care and was relieved to see that we weren't the foremost priority. That calmed me down because I know that they rush the most critical cases right in. Apparently our warning signs weren't that terrifying. My poor son was tired (nap time) and hungry. I had thrown an energy bar and chips at him for lunch before we ran into the truck.

My mom-in-law and Dear Husband arrived shortly after we were admitted into a room. People underestimate how nice it is just having someone there with you. They don't even have to anything, it's just nice that they're there, you know? So my mom-in-law brought comfort, reassurance, and love but also books, food, and cuddles. :) Priceless.

When DD saw her Grandma, she immediately asked for her, "Hold you, me! Hold you, Grandma!" DD gobbled down her first solid food for the whole day, Grandma-Approved Goldfish crackers.

Shortly after seeing my sick kiddo, the Physician's Assistant and the Doctor working agreed that she had something called Serum Sickness.

PubMed Health says that Serum Sickness is "a reaction similar to an allergy. Specifically, it is an immune system reaction to certain medications..." That's so much better than having blood poisoning and dying! Seriously, that's not sarcasm, that's a ton better.

Continuing on: "During serum sickness, the immune system falsely identifies a protein in antiserum as a potentially harmful substance...The result is a faulty immune system response that attacks the antiserum. Immune system elements and the antiserum combine to form immune complexes, which cause inflammation and other symptoms...Unlike other drug allergies, which occur very soon after receiving the medication again, serum sickness develops 7 - 21 days after the first exposure to a medication."

From what I was told, it's totally possible that her first exposure to Amoxicillin was when her body developed antibodies. This second round of Amoxicillin (Augmentin) triggered the immune response. I chafe at the description saying this is a "faulty" response. Honestly, we humans are so prideful. Amoxicillin is man-made and totally unnatural. Yes, it helps us and is an amazing drug, but it's not supposed to be in our bodies. I think DD's immune system is just better than normal at identifying invaders. :)

The super-nice staff answered all of my questions and reassured me over and over. The bruising was normal and caused by the severity of the rash. The rash was so harsh that it bruised itself! We were told to take her off of any drugs for her ear infection. The Physician's Assistant there said a) the infection didn't look horrible and b) it wasn't worth the potential complications if DD was still reactive. More variables, you know. Hopefully the ear infection would clear up on its own.

We were given steroids to put her on for four days to calm down her immune system. Steroids? My baby!? I repeatedly asked about the risks versus the benefits; so far the steroid has made a remarkable difference in her symptoms. After one dose of steroid at the hospital, you could kind of see her eyes again and the redness on her face started to recede. After three doses of steroid, she looks mostly like herself again and the itchiness has largely disappeared. This is after one dose of steroid:

Her hands and feet are swollen (it was difficult for her to walk) but she looks ten times better.

At our follow-up with someone in our pediatrician's office, I asked over and over whether they agreed with the diagnosis. This doctor did. I asked if we should get her tested for other drug allergies. The doctor shook his head. "Oh, no, she won't be allowed to have any of the drugs in that family. Penicillin, Augmentin, and the cephalosporins,Omnicef.."


I nodded my head, but I don't know what cephalosporins are. Google tells me that she can't have:

• Penicillin VK
• Penicillin G
• Dicloxacillin
• Oxacillin
• Nafcillin
• Amoxicillin
• Ampicillin
• Augmentin (amoxicillin/clavulanate)
• Unasyn (ampicillin/sulbactam)
• Zosyn (pipercillin/tazobactam)

• Keflex (cephalexin)
• Ancef (cefazolin)
• Ceftin (cefuroxime)
• Cefzil (cefprozil)
• Omnicef (cefdinir)
• Vantin (cefpodoxime)
• Many other antibiotics beginning with “cef-“ or “ceph-“

And if she does, "complications include: Anaphylactic shock, inflammation of the blood vessels, and swelling of the face, arms, and legs.


Today she looks better still, but she still has a ways to go before she's 100%. And come to think of it, my Dad has a similar penicillin-family-of-drugs allergic reaction. Genetics might have something to do with poor DD's reaction. Since this has happened, I've heard from several friends and acquaintances who have had or have children who had the same reaction. Not so uncommon. The wonderful woman who helped me get my library books today has a son who has had serum sickness and can no longer have these drugs.

Anyway, I'm going to stay home, breathe deep, and just thank God that both my kids are doing okay.