Down the Rabbit Hole, Part I

It's drizzling at our new house while I write this post, which I suppose is fitting.

In toto, I have officially had three miscarriages in the past year. I only count one as being "real" because of how it impacted me emotionally. The first one was too early, the third didn't seem real (there wasn't a little baby developing), but the second one really felt like a Q Baby that didn't make it.

This last time around, we found out we were pregnant right as we were getting ready to sell our house, search for a new house, buy a new house, move into a new house, etc...needless to say, it was stressful. Even though it was joyous and exciting, it was also stressful. It's not surprising that I had another miscarriage.

After we got so darn excited last time around I was loathe to let myself get so happy this time. When I went in for the 8 week ultrasound, I wasn't surprised to hear that there basically wasn't a baby developing. Between the ultrasound and my miscarriage, about two weeks passed. I miscarried en force the very day we moved into our new house. Super bad timing!

If you're wondering how I'm doing, the answer is all right. I'm sad that we haven't been able to have more kids but I'm happy that we already have two kids. When I have to unpack a box that's filled with baby paraphernalia, I get overwhelmed by a sense of sadness. I indulge in it before just Moving On. It might seem trite, but I have a roof over my head, loving family, and food in my belly. "Quit yer bitchin'!" But I have relaxed some of my dietary constraints and started eating cheese again to console myself. Too much cheese is a definite no-no, but a little is just yummy. ;)

In any case, this is the point where doctors start to take you seriously. I visited with my Nurse Midwife Ann (who is a sweet, adorable woman who probably bakes cookies regularly).

http://woldfitness.com/2009/07/win-the-flat-stomach-battle/

It's very frustrating going to an OB office when you are in fact, miscarrying. There are pregnant women everywhere and everyone is sad for you. This was the basic gist of my convo with Ann: since it's happened three times, we can start looking at some possible issues that might be causing miscarriages: blood clotting disorders, chromosomal defects, hormones, etc. I feel compelled to add that, as we humans (*Shocker!*) don't know everything, it is a possibility that they won't find anything wrong and will officially be at a loss as to the cause of my miscarriages.

Even though the Maternal-Fetal Medicine folks usually see women after yet more sad stories, Ann was going to pull some strings and try to get me in to see them now. More on that appointment in my next blog post, though it is the office I wrote about here.