This Is Real Life

Sometimes I feel like the universe speaks to us. Though, I personally would say that God is speaking to us.

Last week, I discovered a co-worker had had three miscarriages. This time I didn't even ask, it just came up in conversation. This time the information was offered up freely: "I had a miscarriage before my daughter and then two after my second daughter. And then eleven years later I had two more babies!"

And the very next day, I met a woman who had had FIVE miscarriages and then went on to have four children. What follows is a paraphrased (of course!) conversation.

Darlene*: "I'm a mom of four kids and I know how to parent!"

Me: "Four kids?! That's great."

"Yeah, after I had five miscarriages!"

"Really? I've had four, so it's really nice to talk to you. It's hopeful."

"Well, I can tell you, I had to have a D&C for all five and my OB wasn't helpful. I remember after my last miscarriage, he sat on my hospital bed and said, 'Darlene, you might think of giving up on making babies because you're not very good at it.' I was so angry it made me cry! I found another OB and when I had my daughter I called up my old OB's office and told him!"

"Did you do anything differently?!"

"Nope, something must have just clicked." 

Ladder Leading Up To The Sky by Sira Anamwong

Darlene said that she once went to a dinner with an LDS friend. There, she met a pregnant woman who had had TEN miscarriages. ! I can't even imagine.

I've said it before, but it's so nice not to be alone. I don't know if these women realize the gift they gave me, sharing their past and their (once upon a time) pain. I'm not sure if all the friends who have texted me or Facebook-messaged me to share their own miscarriages realize how much I appreciate it. 

Not a one of us is really in control of these things. But all of us can still afford to comfort each other. All of us can find room to be thankful and maybe even...hopeful.

*Names have been changed!